Teen Titans: Feast Master
by DYlogger
Summary: The legendary Feast Master Tournament is coming to Jump City! The Titans compete against their foes and amongst themselves... to become the new Feast Master! PARDOY of Iron Chef Japan!11! You don't need to know Iron Chef. Crack!fic, OOC
1. Introduction

**Teen Titans: Feast Master**

**By: DYlogger**

* * *

Introduction

_Once a year, the worldwide Feast Master travels to towns, finding their greatest heroes, who will become chefs. This happens precisely on the first day of the Lunar New Year. Every year, the city's heroes compete against their greatest enemies for the renowned title of… FEAST MASTER!_

_This year, 2010, the Feast Master Caravan is traveling to Jump City, where the Teen Titans that protect the city will be competing against their greatest foes. Each round, a hero and his nemesis will create three dishes from a certain secret ingredient in our Kitchentourium, for three randomly chosen judges to taste. These three random guest judges will decide which contestant creates the best dishes. At the end, the winner must compete with last year's winner for the title of Feast Master._

_But wait! There's more! When the winner becomes the new Feast Master, he or she must create a dish that will last a year to satiate the immense appetite of… __DOMATSU SHOMARU! The world is at stake, people. If the winner fails to do so, Domatsu Shomaru will devour the entire world… The dish must last the year, or Earth is gone…_

_Five Titans, five animosities. Who will last the rounds? Feast Master will be coming this Chinese New Year… Be there!_

And so goes the announcer.

Teen Titans: Feast Master will be a **parody **of the Japanese Iron Chef series. It was originally a competition on DeviantART in 2008, but it's too late to enter the contest now. However, I decided to do something for it anyway.

If you don't know what Iron Chef is, too bad. Read this anyway, and I'll promise you'll enjoy it.

Feast Master will take place in the Kitchentourium, where two contestants compete each day to gain the title of Feast Master. They start on the first day of the Lunar New Year. This year, it happens to be February 14. This also happens to be Valentine's Day. Here in Canada, the 15th, the second day of the Lunar New Year, happens to be Family day. I know that Foot Appreciation Day is coming within the next two weeks as well. So, I can probably say, just think of Feast Master as the Chinese version of Iron Chef. With Japanese characters, and anime- based characters.

I chose Chinese New Year because it's coming up soon. That's all I have to say.

The Feast Master Challenge goes on for fifteen days, for all of Chinese New Year. At the end of the fifteenth day, there will be a new Feast Master, and Domatsu Shamaru will have his dish…

This, of course, means that all my other fics will be on temporary hiatus, as I will (hopefully) be updating daily from the fourteenth.

There will be no more author's notes like this. All my appearances will be in self-inserts. Beta take about a day to reply, so I'll go without beta when I post, and when the Beta replies, I'll replace the chapter with the betaed one.

Visit [http :// rusty-knight-x . deviantart . com/journal/24729452/] (remove spaces and parentheses) for more information on the Feast Master.

Happy holidays, and see you all on the fourteenth!

-Dee

**DYlogger owns nothing. All recognizable characters, blah blah blah, no copyright infringement intended. I don't even own the fangirls that appear in the fic! (The fangirls singing 'Still Alive' in Round 3, I think, are my friends SK and AS, the fangirl saying 'I liekz Mudkipz' in Round 4 is my friend CG.)**

**If you want to beta this fic, please PM me. 'Cuz I need a beta, because SK and Jaycee quit.**


	2. Round 1: Starfire vs Blackfire

**Round One**

"_Welcome to Feast Master 2010,_" said the announcer through the bullhorn in a classic smooth announce voice, "_Where heroes and villains of Jump City compete for the title of Feast Master! These people will have an hour to cook three dishes from one secret ingredient, and present them to our three guest judges. The winner will move on to the next round, and the loser… well, he or she will sit in the Loser Box. Lame name, I know. But what can you expect from a certain hunger- driven Japanese dude named Domatsu Shomaru?_"

The man who was apparently Domatsu Shomaru shuffled forward. He had long black hair, for a male, and squinty Asian eyes. He wore a wide smile in that smirky face of his. He seemed to be in his forties, but nobody could tell. Domatsu Shomaru wore a deep violet overcoat over a royal blue robe, but the smirk on his face wiped out every bit of regality he had. He also wore a red robe and had the medal which would declare the new Feast Master around his neck.

"CON- TINUE- uhh!" he said to the announcer in his overly cliché Asian accent.

"_There are ten people competing against each other to become the new Feast Master. They will be here for the next two weeks. Each of these people will cook at least once. And if they lose, well, if they're lucky and votes come in for them to be back, they might just get a second chance!_

"_First up, for Round One, we have…_" The Master of Ceremonies dramatically shuffled through a deck of ten cards, making a big show. "_We have… Starfire and… Komand'r? Who's that?_"

A black- haired girl dressed similarly as Starfire stepped forward with a characteristic yet cliché evil grin on her face, "Actually, I go by Blackfire here on Earth."

The audience hooted at the hot girl.

"Sister!" gasped Starfire in surprise, even though she shouldn't really have been. Really, who doesn't know their sister's real name in their home language?

"_Ahem- yes. Whatever. Yeah. For our first three judges we have… Mari Jiwe McCabe…_"

A young dark-skinned woman came into view.

"_Marie Logan, and Mary Grayson!_"

A diabolical- looking man with one of those classic 'evil overlord megalomanic' hairstyles and a bearded goatee stalked into the room and grabbed the announcer by the shirt. He adressed the audience, who hooted, "Marie Logan and Mary Grayson are brought to you by me, the Demon's Head."

The audience looked at the seemingly crazy man curiously.

"ME! Rā's Al Ghūl!" That was when the audience realized who they were dealing with and shrunk back in their seats.

Rā's Al Ghūl grinned diabolically, even though that was totally uncharacteristic of him, and smirked. Even though that was also out of character. "Good," Rā's said, and stalked out of the room in that 'evil villain' walk in which he came in with.

The three guest judges took their seats in the judges' seats at the very left side of the Kitchentourium. From the audience's perspective.

"Whoops," said Dee, appearing for a cameo! self- insert, "I guess I forgot to put in a sort of pointless description of the Kitchentorium."

So Dee inserted a vast description of the Kitchentorium, even though the only thing to tell was that the walls are painted a deep red with pictures and statues of chefs and cooking/eating utinsels on the back wall, and that the room has two kitchen counters complete with all the needed utensils and appliances. Oh, and there was a pedestal where the secret ingredient is revealed between the two counters.

Then Starfire asked, "Hello! My name is Starfire! Where are you from, what is your favourite colour, and will you be my friends?" Even though she had only said that _once_in all five seasons of Teen Titans, it still seemed to be cliché. Blackfire, for once in character, rolled her eyes.

Robin and Beast Boy didn't even react to the appearance of Mary Grayson and Marie Logan.

Before the judges could reply to Starfire's strange yet normal question, the Master of Ceremonies, the MC, spoke.

"_And this round's secret ingredient is…_" The announcer was about to lift the cover off the tray on the pedestal when Dee ran in again, whispering in the MC's ear. The MC gave an understanding nod, with absolutely no look of surprise or horror, and followed Dee out of the Kitchentorium.

"WHAT-ah IS GOING ON- uhhh?" boomed Shomaru Domatsu in that shallow voice of his, even though he tried to make it sound deep to resemble a powerful man.

The Master of Ceremonies came back, carrying two little girls in his arms. "_Looks like we're starting out tough this year. Today's not- so- secret ingredient is… little girls named Mary/Mari/Marie!_"

The announcer continued, ignoring the gasps from the audience. He started a paragraph without needing to.

"_This is Mary McGinnis- who apparently has no maiden name. She is three years old and has NOT been married to Warren McGinnis yet, so I don't see why she has a last name of McGinnis…"_

"Neither do I," said Mary in a high-pitched little girl voice. Mary McGinnis, that is, not one of the judges. Or the other Mary/Mari/Marie.

"_Moving on, this is Mariand'r Grayson-_"

Here, Robin gasped. Oh, finally a reaction from the name 'Grayson'. At the same time, Blackfire gasped at the prefix of the last name, 'And'r'. Starfire remained indifferent.

"_Otherwise known as Mari', and Nightstar!1!_"

A gold- clad person whom the audience assumed was a hero sauntered on the stage.

"Mariand'r Grayson brought to you by Booster Gold and his time- travelling technology! Anyone who wants my autograph meet me by the front door of the Kitchentorium!"

Booster Gold sauntered off the stage. No one ran screaming out the door in ecstasy. In fact, no one left the room at all. That is, except for Booster Gold.

"_Whatever._"

"BEGIN-uuh!" cried Domatsu Shomaru. He struck a gong that was hidden until now.

Starfire and Blackfire quickly slaughtered the two girls, Blackfire having forgotten Mariand'r's last name prefix, and Starfire having forgotten her morals. Robin, in the meantime, tried commit suicide by uncharacteristically jumping off the stage. He failed, so he rejoined the others back on the stage, but injured.

One hour later, the two girls presented their three dishes. Blackfire held out a plate of what looked to be a cup of blood…

Mary Grayson sipped at the cup and said, "Mmm! Strawberry flavoured! As much as I don't condone canniballism, I'm afraid you have just made me a hypocrite and I therefore must give you a ten. But I can't even tell that this is human."

…A plate of roasted human heart with fingernail and dead skin cell sprinkles…

Mari McCabe tood the plate and tasted it. "You probably could have gone without the nail clippings. Plus, you killed a young girl with the same name as me. As Vix- I mean, as a citizen of this country, I have to take marks off for that. Six."

Blackfire's last dish was a bowl of blended body fluids, marrow, and residue skin. Marie Logan looked at it and said, "I like the way you didn't waste any part of the body. Eight."

"_Blackfire's score has totalled up to twenty-four! What reactions will Starfire's dishes get?_"

Starfire had cooked up the entire human body and chopped it into three parts when it had finished cooking. The body actually still looked human, well, humanoid, when she served it to the judges. She beamed and said, "What do you think, new friends?" even though the judges never actually agreed to be her friends. Starfire caught on to this, and hurriedly added, "We _are_ friends, correct?"

"Well, you _did_ kill and cook a human girl… let's see how your food is first," answered Marie Logan quickly, avoiding the question.

The three of them simotaneously took a bite from the body. It tasted like… human girl. They spat it out all in unison.

"Four."

"Six."

"Two."

"The fact the body still looks human doesn't help. And you're supposed to be a hero! Where did your morals go?!" Mari McCabe added.

Mary Grayson spoke up, "Wait, which Mary/Mari is this?"

Marie Logan cut Starfire off as she was about to speak, "Do you really want to know?"

Starfire, getting the not- so- subtle hint, floated off looking sad.

"_Well, that gives Starfire a total of twelve. Half of what Blackfire got!_" announced the Master of Ceremonies, though the audience had probably already already figured it out. But before the announcer could continue, Domatsu Shomaru said in the heavily fake-sounding-but-not Asian accent in his false deep voice.

"THE WINNER- ah FOR ROUND ONE- uhh IS KOMAND'R!"

"Blackfire!!11!!!1" corrected everyone else but the announcer by yelling. Domatsu Shomaru ate them all, and the Titans standing there said nothing.

"_You heard the man! Looks like Little Sister lost to Blackfire again. Blackfire will be moving on to Round Two, while Starfire will be sitting in the horribly- named Loser Box!_

"_Tune in tomorrow for another exciting episode of Feast Master! Will Blackfire's luck remain with her?_"

The lights in the Kitchentorium dimmed and faded into black before DYlogger popped up one last time for the round.

"Dee likes talking in third person now. It's a habit she picked up from her friend Jaycee. Dee says that tomorrow will have something else in store. Dee also says that this was written early. Dee would like to add that she has a *thing* against China. Dee is only here for a filler. Dee says, 'Goodbye.'"

Dee popped out of the room even though she has no magic or superpowers and thus ended the first round of the…

FEAST MASTER TOURNAMENT!!!1!


	3. Round 2: Blackfire vs Robin

**Round Two**

"_Welcome all chefs! No, not really. Yesterday, two siblings cooked to get to the second round. Sadly, well, not really, only one of them could. That ONE is Blackfire!_

"_Her sister, Starfire, is sitting in the terribly named Loser Box. How many times do I have to mention that it's horribly named? WE ALL KNOW IT! Who will join Starfire in the Loser Box today? Will it be her sister, or Blackfire's new competitor?_"

Just like the last round, Domatsu Shomaru stepped forward. "QUIT STAh-LLING! PICK-ah THE NAMES ALREADY-uhh!" His fake- sounding- but- still- genuine Asian accent resounded off the walls of the Kitchentoruim.

"_All right,_" said the announcer, pretending to not have heard the man who was apparently capable of eating up the entire world, "_The chef competing against the lovely Komand'r-_"

"Blackfire," simpered Blackfire in that simper-y voice of hers, even though in the show she was only a low tenor.

"-_For the second round is…_"

Everyone sat in cliché silence. A drumroll sounded from nowhere. Everyone turned to look at Beast Boy.

"What? It wasn't me!"

"_The second chef is… Robin!_"

"You realize how much time off crime fighting you're making us take, right?"

Slade appeared for no apparent reason. "Good luck, little bird," he said uncharacteristically.

"Uh- I- Ah!" Robin was speechless, so he threw a birdarang toward Slade. He missed. Or Slade ducked. Either way, the birdarang never hit Slade. Horrible, _horrible_, Robin/Slade innuendo.

The three judges for this round were Jackie Chan, Snapper Carr from the DCAU, and Randy Jackson.

"Yo, what's up, dawg," said Randy. Jackie Chan said nothing because he didn't have a catchphrase. Plus, being Asian, he would sound too much like Domatsu Shomaru. But Dee put him in there because she needed a well-know pop culture person as a judge. Even though she knew nothing about Jackie Chan. Snapper Carr from the DCAU said nothing because he would have sounded too much like the Master of Ceremonies of Feast Master 2010.

"_And the secret ingredient for the second round is…_"

The audience sat in silence. Again. The MC lifted the cover off the tray on the pedestal, and revealed an X-shaped… something with a sticky adhesive. Oh, and the 'X' was red.

"So _that's_where my missing X went." Red X teleported into the Kitchentourium, even though his powers, fueled by xenothium, didn't have that ability. He threw a couple of X's toward Robin and Blackfire's plates respectively, and teleported out right after saying,

"The secret ingredient is brought to you by Red X." Red X also winked at that moment, but no one could tell because he was wearing a mask. What, would he really be so stupid to show his face to the entire viewing world?

"_Apparently, Red X's sticky X's!_"

"BEGIN-uhh!" And so Domatsu Shomaru rang the gong again.

Blackfire, for some reason having gained a moral code, was feeling bad about having to feed illegal weapons to the judges. So with her starbolts, even though they should really be called _black_bolts, because Starfire's were called starbolts, and ten bucks says that everyone forgot that this is an incomplete AND run-on sentence, until now.

Blackfire fired her energy bolts (which Dee avoided calling starbolts _or_blackbolts, which just sounds weird, in fear of another mini-rant and/or self-debate) toward one of the X's. It turned into a pile of mushy goo.

_Hmmm__… That looks actually delectable_, thought Blackfire, because she didn't have any weird speaking/thinking patterns. It was a shame she wasn't allowed to taste any of the food, but it looked nothing like her Tamaranian food, so she decided it could be edible, right after she boiled it. This was, after all, a _cooking_ tournament.

But when she boiled it, it turned to steam. She made herself look troubled, even though she personally didn't care because the only reason she joined this contest was to beat her little sister. Which she did. Because Blackfire's only reason to do anything was to be better than Starfire. What was she going to do about the steam, though?

Red X chose that moment to pop back into the Kitchentourium. Quite literally. (And 'quite' is quite the filler adjective.) "Oh, I forgot, Red X is not responsible for any injury to the judges, especially since you now know that Xenothium is a drug." Because disclaimers are _so_cool. Even though, in the show, xenothium powers the X suit and is not a drug. But why was Red X talking in third person?

Drug, huh? Blackfire was _not_ as apparently naïve as her sister (who was _not_naïve, her high innocent-sounding voice and her not-so-newness to Earth just gave that impression). Blackfire was even _less _naïve than Starfire, but for some reason assumed that all Earthen drugs gave humans a sense of euphoria. Legal or illegal.

Xenothium happened to be illegal. It also happened to give its consumer a rush of adrenaline. Blackfire decided to put the steam, which had somehow cooled to a liquid (and therefore wasn't a problem, but Blackfire decided to do it anyway) by now, into a syringe which she got out of nowhere. The faster it got to the main bloodstream, the quicker the receiver would get the adrenaline. And that meant a good rating for Blackfire. She made sure to go after Robin in case the Xenothium didn't wear off after her turn.

Meanwhile, Robin was sitting there doing nothing. "I refuse to cook with an illegal drug." Robin threw a birdarang (did he ever run out?) at the X's on his plate. It, not specifying whether 'it' was the X, birdarang, or room, exploded, leaving a charred Robin behind the counter, which was not specified to be burnt or not. Blackfire's side of the Kitchentourium was spotless as it had always been, for some reason that had to do with humour and animation.

For Blackfire's second dish, she prepared a salad and threw an X at it. The X literally tossed the salad around in the bowl, mixing it together. Blackfire through another energy bolt at it, being careful to only call it an _energy_ bolt, but controlled the energy ball so it only melted the X. When it did, she used a spatula, not a fork, to mix the salad with the melted sticky X dressing.

For her third dish, Blackfire decided to bake a cake. Not that Tamaranians eat cake. She decided to make one anyway for the sake of it.

Robin had somehow magically gotten clean from the chars of the X explosion. He watched Blackfire cook with an unbelieving expression on his face. Over her regular clothes, she was wearing an apron and a chef's hat. It was surprising that he didn't notice earlier. He threw the remains of one of his X's at Blackfire. It landed in her cake batter of weird things not mentioned because they were too unmentionable.

"Well, that puts the red X in the third dish," said Blackfire, even though she was never that nonchalant.

For the remaining thirty of the sixty minutes, Robin watched Blackfire bake her cake. He watched her carefully, and was disappointed when she didn't do anything illegal. That is, except for putting an illegal drug into food. But he couldn't arrest her for that because then Domatsu Shomaru and the rest of the Feast Master people would sue Robin and therefore the Teen Titans. And Titans Tower could not afford another lawsuit. (Because Batman, who paid for the Tower, was a cheap$$.) Besides, what happened to 'Justice First'? Or something like that.

"YOUR SIXTY MINUTES ARE UP!" roared Domatsu Shomaru from where he was, which was not specified because the Kitchentourium didn't actually have a pedestal or throne for Domatsu Shomaru. He looked for the gong, which he could not find, so he pulled out a triangle and the stick to go with it and dinged the triangle instead.

"_The hour for cooking is up! Let us watch as the chefs for today present their dishes to the judges._"

"Actually, I forfeit, so Blackfire wins by default," said Robin who had been out of character for almost the entire round. Robin actually wasn't one to give up like that unless the world was at stake… and even then… Which was weird because if the Feast Master failed, Domatsu Shomaru would eat the universe.

"_Ooh, what a surprising twist!_" The announcer put emphasis in the '_pri_' in '_surprising_'. He was apparently in shock, even though it wasn't _that_ surprising. "_The guest judges still need to judge Blackfire's meals, so let's see how they will react this time!_"

Blackfire gave Snapper Carr the syringe with the liquid X in it. He injected it in his tongue and said hyperactively, "'dish'."

The audience looked confused and shouted confusion, so Robin repeated what Snapper Carr said, but slower, "This is Snapper Carr saying that he gives Blackfire a nine for her 'dish'." The audience now looked understanding.

Dee appeared from nowhere. "Hey, _Dee's _the only one allowed to talk in third person here!" She disappeared, having done her cameo! appearance for the round.

"And me!" laughed Red X, who never actually went out of the Kitchentourium, even though he was ignored for the duration of the hour of cooking.

"And Red X. And Booster Gold and Rā's Al Ghūl and Larry and all the other disclaimer/ad guys."

The MC decided to cut in, "_What do our other judges think of the other dishes?_"

Jackie Chan ate the salad. He held up a sign with the number six on it. He said nothing because etiquette instated that one was not to talk with one's mouth full.

Randy Jackson refused to eat. "Feeding us illegal drugs is not cool, man," he insisted, sounding much like a hippie, something the _real Randy Jackson_ was not.

"_Is it being insinuated that this is NOT the real Randy Jackson?_"

"Oh, please. Two hundred bucks says that Randy's been doing illegal drugs since he was eleven," said Red X.

"You're on!" Robin shook Red X's hand, ignoring the fact that X's two hundred were probably stolen from somewhere and that his own two hundred could go toward a lawsuit in case Feast Master did decide to sue him.

"All right, all right. I'll eat the cake."

Just then, two fangirls from the audience burst out into song,

"_But there's no sense crying over every mistake,_

_We just keep on trying 'till we run out of cake!_

_When the sience gets done and you make a neat gun,_

_For the people who are still alive!_"

Why they sang the sang the Portal end song no one knew. Maybe from the 'cake' comment?

He ate the cake and spit it out. "Ugh! What did you put in this cake?"

From inside the Loser Box, Starfire looked satisfied.

Randy Jackson bent over the table and retched. While he was busy throwing up and held up a 'TWO' because he very well couldn't speak at the moment.

When he finished vomiting, he sat up and wiped his mouth with a hankerchief. Then he barfed again. "I changed my mind. ONE!"

"Oh, stop trying to be Simon Cowell. You stink at criticism," said Red X, who was still out of character.

A percussion instrument resounded. Whether it was the gong or the triangle was not specified. "WINNER: BLACKFIRE," said Domatsu Shomaru, and he hit the percussion instrument again.

"_So ends this round of Feast Master. What will be in store for everyone tomorrow? Tune in again of February 16, 2010, to find out._"

"So, Robin, how does it feel like to lose to a girl? Especially if that girl is your girlfriend's sister?" asked Snapper Carr, the effects of xenothium having worn off.

"No comment. And Starfire is_ not _my girlfriend," Robin crossed his arms, not realizing that he just made a comment. He walked to the Loser Box and started to make out with Starfire. Who was still apparently not his girlfriend.

Blackfire was still squealing uncharacteristically when the lights in the Kitchentourium dimmed.


	4. Round 3: Blackfire vs Red X

**Round Three**

"_After two rounds of cooking against the lovebirds, Robin and Starfire, Blackfire has moved up to the third round! Her luck's been pretty good lately. Will she win this round and move on again, or will she join her sister and her sister's boyfriend in the terribly named Loser Box?_"

"She's NOT my girlfriend!" came Robin from the Loser Box.

"_Whatever. But, I guess the losers do deserve having to be in a horribly named box until, if, they get called on again. Will Blackfire be able to keep her winning streak?_

"_Let's mix it up today. Let's find out the judges first, then the secret ingredient, and THEN her new competition. What do you say?_"

The audience didn't know how to react to that, because there wasn't an action sign to direct them to boo, cheer, or roar.

"Take that as a yes," yelled Robin from the Loser Box. Then he went back to making out with Starfire. Even though they weren't a couple.

"_Alright! Judges it is!_" pretending the audience had given a positive reaction and ignoring the spiky- haired dude in the Loser Box. "_Judges this round will be…_"

"SPARrrE- uh US THE SUSPENSE-ah!" yelled Domatsu Shomaru, as apparently he could only talk, roar, yell, or boom in his falsetto-yet-not Asian accent.

"_Okay, okay. First up, we have a seven-year-old Tim Drake!_"

"Who has _not_become Robin yet. Because, as you can see, Dick Grayson is still Robin. Where Jason Todd, and Stephanie Brown, went, no one knows." Dee decided to jump in early for her cameo! appearance. She walked back out of the Kitchentourium, not knowing if she was going to come back in.

"Hi Dick!" Tim waved at the masked vigilante in the loser box. How he knew his secret identity no one knows either.

Robin glared. "No name calling! I'm Jason Todd, and I'm filling in for Dick today." Oh, so that's where Jason was. So where was Dick?

"_A-HEM,_" the announcer caught everyone's attention. "_Our second judge for Round Three will be Miley Cyrus!_"

"yeah! party in the USA!" she sang in that _apparently_ horrible voice of hers, dubbed by her non-fans. And she sang without capitals. "I'm better than that dead guy, Michael Jackson!" she added, as there was a ton of dispute of which was the better singer and person.

"_The third judge will be, from Before Common Era, Cleopatra!_"

"Did she actually exist, or was she a myth? I don't remember," commented someone.

"_Whatever, nobody cares. And… because I don't want any of the ad guys to pop in, literally or figuratively, saying that blah blah blah is brought to you by blah blah blah. So, Cleopatra is brought to you by Rā's Al Ghūl and Tim Drake is brought to you by the combined efforts of Bat-mite and… Kcid Nosyarg?_"

"Actually, the Titans named me 'Larry'," said the ever- cheerful Larry, even though he was sullen for a few moments when he appeared in the show. He used his magic finger to pop out of the room.

"_And there goes the ad dude_," sighed the announcer, breaking his cheerful stride. "_The secret ingredient is…_"

A deafening silence, then a drumroll, resounded. This time, no one looked at Beast Boy. For some weird reason.

"What? Is no one going to ask if I did that?" Beast Boy was indignant.

Silence ensued.

"_Faeirey wings!_"

"WHAT? (-uhh)" Both the audience and Domatsu Shomaru were dumbfounded.

"_The secret ingredient is fairy/faerie wings!_" As annoyed as the announcer was, the MC didn't break his façade of exhilaration. He lifted the cover off the pedestal, and inside were two live faeries. Yes, faeries, not fairies. Because the former spelling was used way before the 'i' replaced the 'e'. Except everyone else still said it with the 'i', as 'fairies'.

The audience understood. Domatsu Shomaru's face never changed.

"_And… Blackfire's opponent for this round is… Red X!_"

Red X teleported in. "You're making me cook _fairy wings_?"

Dee walked back in to the Kitchentourium, not for a cameo! self insert, but to make a point. "Wait, if Red X is here, and Jason Todd is up there-" she pointed at the Loser Box, "- then who's in the exosuit?" Dee gasped in mock horror, "Does that mean I could be wrong in that Red X is the Warner Brothers' incarnation of Red Hood, Jason Todd?"

Red X mock bowed, "Xavier Redd, at your service." He paused, then added, "But to make you feel better, Jay was in the suit yesterday. And Dick Grayson will have the suit tomorrow. And then Adrian Blak… And then Rick Knight, followed by David Sanchez… But David will have to share with his half- brother _and_ half- sister for that day."

"BEGIN-uhh!" Domatsu Shomaru rang the gong.

"_What dishes will the contestants make this time? Will they realize that once they cut off the wings, the faeiries will become pixies or sprites, depending on the gender?_" The Master of Ceremonies wasn't sure whether to use the 'fairies' or the 'faeries', so he used a combination of both.

"We do now, idiot," Blackfire rolled her eyes characteristically, even though she never used to call people 'idiot'.

"Dibs on the cute girl fairy!" yelled Xavier Redd.

"It's _faerie_, you idiot!" _Finally_, someone got the spelling of 'faerie' right. Blackfire thwacked the guy in the X suit on the back of the head. He didn't feel a thing.

"No diff."

"'Kay. I'll take the guy faerie and make him a pixie. I always wanted to deal with faerie anatomy," muttered Blackfire. Sarcasm was not detected by Red X, but there was a very good chance it was there, even though Red X was also an expert in the matter.

"Yeah, whatever."

Forty minutes had passed, and Blackfire had made some delicacies with the wings. After all, the faeries/fairies _were_tiny, and their wings could not be bigger than their whole body. This faerie/fairy had very large wings compared to average, but how Blackfire knew nobody knew. They were, however, only big enough for delacies.

Blackfire had made some crème à la wings, a deep cream with a grinded part of the wings as sprinkles, not that Blackfire knew French. Not that was actually _proper_ French. She had also made regurgitated wing soup. She didn't _eat_it then throw it up, which was what an average person would think. She stuffed part of the wings in her ear, and it came out of her other ear as a vomit-like substance. Because Tamaranians _always_had these special abilities that humans don't. And because Tamaranians ate almost anything, these were _apparently_ considered a delicacy on her planet.

Red X, in the meantime, had used his expandenator which Robin had very generously provided in the making of the exosuit. He enlarged the wings so they were about the size of a normal human. The explanation for the expandenator? Well, it was a very long instruction piece with thirty-three different uses for the words 'molecules', 'atoms', 'protons', 'shrinking', and 'universal hyperspace'. That had taken forty minutes.

For her third dish, Blackfire decided to blast the wing with a starbolt. She didn't want the wing to boil to steam like the last round, so she just blasted it enough to be crispy. Then she added some leftovers from yesterday's round.

Red X was having trouble deciding what to make, so he just split the wings into three pieces. The first he shredded and puréed, the second he folded into a wing crane since that part of the wing was soft enough to do so with, and the last he just left. Then he threw some salad dip on the all three dishes. Oh, and ketchup because ketchup makes everything taste better. Especially if it were in the shape of a '42'. Unlike mustard. Red X had no opinion on relish. Even though he loved hot dogs.

(Red X probably would have copied Blackfire by eating the wings then throwing them up, but humans can't barf on command. Not to mention eating it was against the rules. Plus he would have had to remove his mask to do so.)

"_All right, time's up!_"

"But that Domusto Shamora guy didn't even ring the gong yet!" complained Red X, who was halfway through the last '2'. "Wow. 'Ringing the gong.' That sounds weird."

"IT IS DOMATSU SHOMARU-uuhhh!" And he rang the gong to signal time was up. And then he proceeded to pick up the MC and rant to him in that accent of his to not do anything unless the gong was rung.

"_All right! Let's see what our contestants have cooked up this time!_" announced the Master of Ceremonies.

Blackfire went first, "I made crème à la wings, regurgitated wing soup, and crisp blasted wing!" she chirped, sounding unusally hyper and a lot like her sister.

Tim Drake said, "Did you just eat the regurgitated wing soup and throw it up? Because I'm pretty sure that's not allowed."

"No, I _put the wing in my left ear_ and leaked it out through my right ear! It's spicy and sweet! As far as I can tell."

"Actually, we humans call this _sour_," said Cleopatra, who had gotten the soup. "And I hate sour. Four."

"Oh, sweetie, that's okay," crooned Miley Cyrus, although she was obvoiusly faking it. Or maybe not.

Miley Cyrus tried the blasted wing with leftovers. "Are these leftovers? These taste like leftovers. And I'm too spoiled to ever eat leftovers. FIVE!1!! I mean, it _might_ have been better if there were _more_1!1!!" Miley gave her that rating because the girl named Destiny Hope Cyrus had never gotten below a ten out of ten, and that was apparently a low mark for her.

Tim Drake pushed away the crème à la wings. "Sorry," he said, "I'm allergic. To cream, that is." He took ate some of the soup anyways, and when hives didn't immediately pop on his face, he gave Starfire an eight. Because he wasn't a superhero vigilante yet, and therefore was a nerdy kid, and nerdy kids are always allergic to whatever.

"_All right! Blackfire has a total of seventeen. Hey, at least it's better than what she got yesterday!_"

"When did I become such a terrible cook?" wailed Blackfire, even though the girl named Komand'r never wailed. Sure, she screamed and threw tantrums, but she never wailed.

"_Let's see how well Red X, our very own Xavier Redd, fares._" Red X presented his dishes. The announcer continued, "_It looks as if Red X has made some VERY simple dishes. A shredded and purèed wing, er, dish, wing dip, and wing with ketchup in the shape of three-fourths of a forty-two. Ouch. Let's see how the judges react._"

Miley Cyrus took a bite of the wing with ketchup in the shape of three-fourths of a forty-two. "Mmm! There's actually _more_than just a bite here! And nice touch with the ketchup. This deserves a ten compared to what that b*tch gave me!"

"_You heard her! Miley Cyrus has given her a ten for the ketchup wing! What a surprising twist of events!_"

"Wait! I only said-"

She was interrupted by the announcer. "_And how will the other judges rate the shredded and purèed wing and the faeirey wing crane?_" said the announcer in fake-but-you-can't-tell wonder, mixing 'fairy' and 'faerie' together again.

Miley Cyrus slumped back in her seat. "Fine. Ten it is," she grumbled.

Cleopatra ate the crane. "No comment."

"_Wait! The guest judge said 'No comment'! Do you all know what that means?_"

The audience didn't. The announcer ignored that.

"_Here, at the Kitchentourium in the Feast Master Tournament, the chef automatically gets a seven! Red X, you are now matching Blackfire in points! The only way you can tie this round is if Tim Drake gives you a nothing…_"

It wasn't _that_ big a deal, but the audience cheered anyway because the words on the instructions screen told them to.

"Might as well give you a zero to make a plot twist and tie the two of you," said Tim Drake. Then he ate some of the last dish. "On second thought, make that another seven. 'Cause this isn't so bad!"

"WINNER: RED X!" boomed Domatsu Shomaru because he apparently couldn't say anything else.

"_Looks like Red X wins this round with a twenty-four! Blackfire, you get to join your sister and her lovebird in the Loser Box!_"

"I AM NOT STAR'S BOYFRIEND! I'M JUST FILLING IN FOR MY ADOPTED BROTHER!" yelled Jason Todd for the umpteenth time.

"_Yeah, whatever. Blackfire finally lost her winning streak! But will Red X be able keep the win?_" The Master of Ceremonies was going to continue, but he was interrupted by the same someone who commented on Cleopatra being a myth.

"Find out next time on Feast Master. And whatnot. Bye." And thus ruined the cliché of suspense building and ended the round as the lights in the Kitchentourium dimmed into black.


	5. Round 4: Red X vs Gizmo, sorta

**Round Four**

"_Welcome back to Feast Master!! Last time, Blackfire joined Robin and Starfire in the Loser Box, leaving Red X to compete for this round, Round Four! Here's Red X!_"

A guy not wearing the X suit came in. "Actually, remember when I said that Dick Grayson would have the suit? That's today. Which means no exosuit for me. Today, I have to be here as Xavier Redd."

There was no description of what Red X looked like outside of the suit because fanon was too varied.

"_So where is this Dick character? The guy in the exosuit has to be the competitor._"

"He's on a date."

Just then, Raven burst in. "He stood me up!" she wailed, even though Raven never wailed. But because she did, she broke the light and pieces of glass crashed down.

"Okay, so he's probably playing hooky."

"_Well, the rules say that Red X, and not Xavier Redd, has to compete, so, sorry Kid, you're disqualified. Which means, our opponent today is the winner without cooking! Now we just have to pick one._"

"Awww, man. And I was really looking forward to cooking. Besides, isn't Xavier Redd just Redd, X.?" said Xavier Redd sarcasticallly, even though he really _was_ looking forward to cooking and kicking whoever's butt.

Domatsu Shomaru looked confused, while his facial expression stayed the same. It's not possible, but apparently it is. How parody-like. (Not really.) He didn't declare Xavier Redd disqualified, either, but apparently he didn't need to.

"_Well, I really don't care because I get paid anyway,_" the announcer regained his cheeriness and continued, "_All right! Let's find out what the secret ingredient and who the opponent and judges are anyway!_"

The audience booed. The Master of Ceremonies ignored them because there was no boo sign, and he was therefore to ignore that. Besides, there had to be another contestant for Domatsu Shomaru to declare a winner.

"_Red X would have been competing against… Gizmo today, if he were here. The one on the suit, that is._"

The guest judges were currently seated behind the judges' platform, which wasn't specified where in the Kitchentourium it was.

"_Our guest judges would have been Barbara Gordon…_"

"Isn't she a little young to be a judge?" asked Raven.

"_Barbara Gordon the first._"

"Oh." A red-haired woman wearing glasses waved. She, apparently, looked just like her daughter. Even though she really didn't.

"_We also have Ron Weasly from Harry Potter!_"

"W00T," grumbled Raven.

"Oh, don't be so down, love," said Ron in an imitation Australian accent. It sounded more real than Domatsu Shomaru's Asian accent, which was actually real. But really, Ron Weasly apparently had a cockney accent, which wasn't that bad.

"Don't call me that," hissed Raven, who really hated being paired up with anyone outside, and sometimes inside, the Teen Titans universe. Especially Batman.

"_Our third judge was going to be the infamous Simon Cowell, who was requested after the appearance of his co-judge on American Idol_-"

"-Which Dee does not watch-"

"_-Randy Jackson!_"

Simon Cowell started to criticize everything. "I _can't _believe I'm wasting my time here, not getting paid, to judge a cooking show, WHICH ISN'T EVEN GOING TO HAPPEN BECAUSE ONE OF THE CONTESTANTS AREN'T HERE!!!1!"

"Oh, and these judges are brought to you by the combined efforts of Booster Gold and Kcid Nosyarg, otherwise known as Larry!" said Booster Gold.

"_The secret ingredient is… mudkips! From Pokèmon!_"

"I liekz Mudkipz," said a random fangirl.

"You can't kill innocent Mudkips!" cried Ash Ketchum from Pokèmon. Brock would have come in at some point, but his voice actor was horrible, so it was eliminated.

"_Looks like Gizmo wins!_"

"THE WINNER-uhh IS GIZMO!" boomed Domatsu Shomaru. "AND YOU, ANNOUNCER, ARE FIRED FOR SAYING ah-VERYTHING BEFORE I DO!"

"Sorry I'm late," gasped Dick Grayson as he ran in the door of the Kitchentourium.

"_Sorry, you're too late. Gizmo's already won. And I got fired._" Then the announcer did a sad face emoticon. "_:(_"

"I lost to _Gizmo_??/1!?" he yelled. "Though I'm not surprised about the firing thing.

"Who will be the next announcer?" wondered Dee, who had wandered into the Kitchentourium. "Oh, well." She turned to the audience, "The only reason this round was so short was because Dee didn't feel like writing today," she said, talking in third person again, "See you all next time- er, tomorrow!"


	6. Round 5: Gizmo vs Cyborg

**Round Five**

"I AM THE MASTER OF CEREMONIES FOR TODAY-uhh! BECAUSE THE LAST-uh ONE GOT FI-ah-ED! I WILL NOW ATTEMPT TO SPEAK IN THE ANNOUNCER KIND OF TALK BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT ANNOUNCERS DO!" said Domatsu Shomaru. He rang the gong.

"_LAST TIME, RED X CAME TO KITCHENTOURIUM NOT WEARING THE EXOSUIT. BECAUSE SOME OTHER GUY HAD IT. THE RED X CHARACTER WAS DISQUALIFIED FOR THE ROUND BECAUSE OF THAT_," said Domatsu Shomaru.

"UH, THIS… ANNOUNCER THING IS NOT WORKING FOR ME.

"GIZMO HAS WON THE LAST ROUND. TODAY, GIZMO WILL BATTLE AGAINST CYBORG. THE JUDGES WILL BE TERRY McGINNIS, SILKIE, AND LARRY. THE SECRET INGREDIENT IS MUTANT BLUEBERRIES. BEGIN."

"Terry McGinnis brought to you by Booster Gold," whispered Booster Gold, whispering for no apparent reason.

But before he could hit the gong, the old announcer rushed in. "_Hey, you can't do it like that! People are here for the humour. Drag it out a little! People don't to come here just to watch them cook. Let the judges make a statement. You can't announce the secret ingredient without lifitng up the pedestal, either! You're doing it all wrong!_"

"THIS IS WHY I FIRED YOU, YOU IMBECILIC *********!" The asterisks represented some Asian swear word, as Dee didn't know enough of any native Asian language (excluding English) to make Domatsu Shomaru swear in it.

A horrible coordinated fist fight ensued between the two characters, with Domatsu Shomaru coming out as the winner because he was Asian and Asians _always_knew some form of martial arts. Or maybe the first announcer was just afraid of being eaten by the owner of the Kitchentourium if he won. Most likely the first, though.

"_JeezI_" said the old announcer, rolling his eyes. "_I didn't come here to get my job back. I'm here to nominate my friend here to be the new announcer. But my friend talks in bold, not italics._"

"FINE. I WANT TO GET ON WITH THE SHOW. IF HE GETS HALF AS ANNOYING AS YOU, HE IS FIRED!"

"**Hello, Master DS**," said the new person, because 'Master Domatsu Shomaru' was a mouthful to say every time you wanted to address a person.

For some reason, half the audience burst out in laughter. Domatsu Shomaru ate them all. Then he ate the first announcer.

"**As Master DS probably already said, the judges for today will be Terry McGinnis from the DCAU, Silkie, and Larry! Any objections?**"

Starfire cheered for her beloved pet mutant silkworm.

Bat-mite and Robin cheered for Larry.

"Hey! I never agreed to this!" said Terry McGinnis in a fake half-Cockney half-Texan accent. "I quit!"

"Ooh, ooh!" said Pepper Potts from Iron Man: Armoured Adventures, "Can I take his place?"

A green-skinned midget boy popped in the Kitchentourium from nowhere. "But I want to take his place," he folded his arms. "Oh, and my name is Dleifrag Nagol. And I'm Beast Boy's biggest fan!" He wore glasses and a purple jumpsuit. But he had blond hair instead of green, even though he had green skin.

Somehow, Dleifrag Nagol gave the impression that he was a geeky smart$$. The opposite of what Beast Boy was.

Dleifrag Nagol and Pepper Potts got into a catfight. Dleifrag Nagol won. Pepper Potts went back to wherever he was from and was never seen again in the Kitchentourium.

"Hi Dleifrag!" called Larry.

"Hi Kcid!" called Dleifrag Nagol back.

"**I think that Dleifrag Nagol is too much to say at one time? How about we call him DN instead?**" the new announcer asked, as he was not-so-obviously obsessed with acronyms.

"**No? Okay, how about 'Lance' instead?**"

"I'm cool with that," agreed the newly named 'Lance'. How he gave off the impression of a smart$$ nobody knew.

"**Alright! Now, we have our three judges; Larry, Lance, and Silkie.**" Domatsu Shomaru then nodded in approval. "**And I think it's clear that Cyborg is our Gizmo's opponent for this round. Let's see who will win.**

"**Oh, and we **_**do**_** have mutant blueberries as our secret ingredient!**" The new announcer lifted the pedestal.

"Wait! Aren't those just _regular_blueberries?" asked Gizmo, who had not spoken until now.

"You moron without a driver's license!" said Cyborg, slapping Gizmo on the back of the head, "Almost all our veggies are genetically modified! Making these blueberries MUTANT!"

"Whatever, I'm not afraid of you. I'll kick your arse!"

"Right. And you're the only one who still actually still _uses_ the word arse!"

"You just did." Gizmo stuck out his tongue.

"Why you little-"

He was interrupted by a gong. "BEGIN-uhh!" No one needed to be told that it was Domatsu Shomaru that had spoken.

They started making stuff. However, before, before they could actually get to _using_the blueberries, Silkie used his mutant silkworm- ness to jump in the pedestal and actually eat the berries. Then he, referring to a certain bumgorf (even though that term was barely, if ever used in the show) of Starfire's, puked out the berries. They were still solid and looked like berries. Gizmo was squeamish, though, and refused to touch them.

"Oh, just make something. I don't want my superior cooking skills to own yours in a landslide. I deserve at least a _bit_ of a challenge," said Cyborg, noting Gizmo's squeamishness.

That set something off in Gizmo, and he soon made a blueberry smoothie, an ice cream cone with a blueberry instead of a cherry on top, and a blueberry muffin. Nothing unusual, because he was too smart to have an imagination to make something wild.

Somehow, Cyborg made the same thing as Gizmo. And they both finished at the same time- thirty minutes before time was actually up. Apparently, great minds think (and do things) alike. Especially when the minds are rivals.

(Cyborg was also too smart and half-robotic to have an imagination to make something crazy. But how can one be 'too' half- robotic? Wouldn't that make them more than half robotic?)

Thirty minutes after sitting there and playing Rock Paper Scissors with each other, time was up.

"**Let's see what UNUSUAL dishes our contestants have cooked up!**" The announcer looked at the identical smoothies, ice cream cones, and muffins. "**Oh.**"

They got eights from Lance and Larry, but Silkie… well, he just kind of sat there and barfed. (There seems to be a lot of barfing in the last three rounds.) The ice cream cone came out whole, and Larry and Lance t ook one each.

"Y'know what? You guys are _horrible _judges for not commenting on our foods. Seriously, you guys are just eating like…" Gizmo trailed off, trying to think of an strong enough analysis.

"Fat capitalist pigs?"

"Sure. Whoever said that."

Lance and Larry started crying and they went back to their dimension with their magic fingers.

"IT IS ah TIE! WE MUST-a DO WHAT ALL INDECISIVE FOLK-uh DO WHEN THEY ARE ah INDECISIVE." The gong rang, signaling that Domatsu Shomaru had spoken.

"_You really are going overboard with that gong of yours,_" said the first announcer who talked only in italics from Domatsu Shomaru's digestive system. Everyone ignored him.

"**Looks like we have a tie, folks! And, like Master DS said, we must do what all indecisive folk do in indecision.**

"**We flip a coin!**"

"HEADS- CYBORG! TAILS- GIZMO!"

Shomaru Domatsu flipped the coin. It landed heads.

"CYBORG WINS! GIZMO LOSES! CYBORG MOVES ON! END-uhh ROUND-uhh!"

Cyborg's face had a triumphant smirk. "Ha."

Gizmo stuck out his tongue.

"Gizmo!" scolded a woman. "Don't do that, it's insanitary."

"But _mom_!" whined Gizmo, even though in DCU canon, Gizmo had no mom.

Cyborg's smirk grew wider. From the Loser Box, Starfire, Robin (who was Dick Grayson again), Blackfire, and Xavier Redd (because some other guy had the exosuit) laughed.

"**Well, it looks like Cyborg is the winner! See you all next time, which happens to be tomorrow, on Feast Master!**"

The lights in the Kitchentourium dimmed to black.


	7. Round 6: Cyborg vs Adonis

**Round Six**

"**Hello! As you, the audience, can probably see, I, the new announcer, am **_**nothing**_** like the last one. Okay, I kinda am. But it's hard acting like him. I would like to thank Master DS for granting me permission to not talk like the guy he ate.**"

A wail sounded from somewhere within Domatsu Shomaru's digestive system. It's a wonder that the last announcer had not been digested yet.

"**Enough with the formalities. Last time, Cyborg beat the crap out of Gizmo. Okay, not really. Cyborg and Gizmo actually cooked the exact same meals, and got the exact same score. The tie was broken by a coin toss. Cyborg won, and, here he is now!**"

Cyborg did a greeting.

"**Today, Cyborg will be competing against…**"

The announcer shuffled through a hat of names.

"**He will be competing against… Adonis! Y'know, the guy that only appeared once and targeted Beast Boy?**"

"Oh yeah! I am _so_ going to kick your scrawny ass," yelled Cyborg to Adonis, "the only thing that could ruin this is if Beast Boy's private parts were the secret ingredient!"

The announcer peeked under the pedestal. "**Uhh…**"

Cyborg, and Adonis, smacked their foreheads.

"**The secret ingredient **_**is**_** Beast Boy's genitals.**"

"You're telling me that I have to cook with my best friend's _genetilia?!?_ What the friggin' heck is wrong with you? Where _is_ Beast Boy, anyway?"

A towel-clad green boy popped in, literally. "Does this mean I'm a girl now?"

Raven swooped in and smacked Beast Boy on the head. They disappeared.

"Dude's got a point…"

Cyborg also received a slap on the head. "Ouch!"

"Beast Boy's condition lets him grow a new one, okay?" Raven crossed her arms.

"**Our guest judges for today will be Bella Swan- Cullen from ****Twilight****, Dolly Patron, and Forge from the X-men!**"

"Aw, man. None of these guys even have morals! Except maybe Forge…" Apparently.

"Hey! I resent that!" yelled Forge, "I don't want morals." Then he realized what he was saying. "Oh." It never occurred to him that having morals might have been a bad thing. Not… that it was…

"I have morals!" said Bella Swan-Cullen from Twilight, "I- er- just don't use them. After all, I _did_ fall in love and marry a vampire.

"**And now I'm waiting for Domatsu Shomaru to say '**_**BEGIN-UHHH!**_**'. Or for someone else to say something.**"

"Go Mommy!" yelled Renesmee Cullen from Twilight from the audience. Having never read the end of Breaking Dawn, Dee didn't know how to make Renesmee IC.

"BEGIN-uhh!" And the gong resounded within the Kitchentourium.

Dee didn't feel like describing what Adonis made. Not because she was squeamish, but because this was a K+-rated fic and she didn't want to raise the rating to T. Cyborg didn't make anything, because even though Beast Boy could regenerate, up to a point, of course, he still didn't feel right cooking with his best friend's private parts.

Adonis was only able to make one dish, because he ran out of the secret ingredient after that. He would have asked for more, but he never actually _spoke_ in the show, and he wasn't about to do so now.

They got an unneeded extra five minutes for cooking because Domatsu Shomaru was in the washroom.

"TIME IS UP!"

Adonis quickly split it into three parts.

Dolly Patron got the left tescticle. She ate it and said, "Now, dearie, your dish is ah-mazinh. Baht, for ah- peeerance's sake, Ah must give ya a nay-gah-tive two. Ah know Ah hahve no morahls, baht Ah _do_hahve a rah-pu-tay-shun.

Translation: 'Now, dearie, your dish is amazing. But, for appearance's sake, I must give you a negative two. I know I have no morals, but I do have a reputation.' Yeah, but ever since she appeared on that episode of Punch! it got ruined.

"Have you ever been told how much you sound like Rogue?" asked Forge. Even though she really didn't. She really, _really_, didn't.

"I'm going to actually _use_ my morals here and not eat this." Bella winced.

"Oh, come on, Mommy! You know he regenerates. Besides, how bad can it be?" asked Renesmee with a pout.

Probably due to her daughter's prompting, Bella Swan-Cullen from Twilight agreed.

"Adonis, did you actually _do_ anything with this besides cutting it up?"

Adonis shook his head.

"Well, you deserve _something_ for actually having the guts to present this to us. What the heck," she said, even though that was totally out of character, "I'll give you a two for your half-effort."

She glared at Cyborg, who didn't react. After all, he _did_ grow up with Robin, who had one of the worst glares in the superhero community. That said, Bella _was_ a mother. And everyone knows a mother's glare was worse than any other. Except maybe a mother superhero's?

Of course, Bella Swan-Cullen from Twilight wasn't Cyborg's mother (not that Cyborg had a mother at the moment), so he wasn't intimidated. That much.

Forge refused to eat it. "Man, I'm not going to eat another dude's private parts." He chucked it in the garbage can.

Cyborg smirked with satisfaction, "See, I knew he had morals."

"**Another tie! Time to flip the coin!**"

Domatsu Shomaru took out a coin and flipped it. While it was flipping in slow motion, cliché suspense music and a drumroll followed.

It landed heads.

"Wait!" Beast Boy ran out, still clad in his towel. "Who's heads and who's tails?"

Everyone shrugged. Domatsu Shomaru did it without actually moving.

"Why don't you flip again and make heads Cyborg getting the head; tails Adonis gets the head?" he suggested, talking really quickly.

Everyone looked confused. Except Raven. "What Beast Boy's _trying_ to say is that you flip again, and if it lands heads, Cyborg wins; and if it lands tails, Adonis wins."

"No, I'm saying that if it lands heads on the second flip, Cyborg gets the first head. If it lands tails this second time, Adonis gets the result of the first flip," explained Beast Boy in exasperation. He was speaking slower now and sounded more intelligent. Surprisingly, even though he was perfectly capable of being smart.

"Same thing."

Everyone was stunned. "**Wow, Raven. When did you become so well- versed in conversing with Beast Boy's fast- talking lingo?**"

"I'M NOT!" yelled Raven, and blew up a Ming vase that wasn't in the Kitchentourium before. "Wait, how did that get in here? AND WHY AM I ALWAYS BLOWING UP VASES OR TV's?" she yelled again, blowing up a television set that wasn't in the Kitchentourium earlier either. The fragments of the vase from earlier had somehow disappeared.

Domatsu Shomaru flipped the coin again. Cyborg won this toss. "WINNER IS CYBORG! (Again-uhh)" he boomed, hitting the gong with whatever and not using articles in his sentences.

"**It looks like Cyborg won again to another coin toss landing heads. It looks like a pattern here, people! Let's wait and see what happens tomorrow on Feast Master!**"

The lights in the Kitchentourium dimmed.

In the Loser Box, Robin and Starfire were making out. Again. (And this time Robin was not Jason Todd, as Starfire totally kicked his $$ a few rounds ago. o_O) Blackfire was glaring at the two, trying to separate them. Jason Todd was also in there, as he wore the Red X suit for a day. Xavier Redd, the other guy in the X suit, was trying to come onto Blackfire. Two minutes later, he sat in the corner with a smoking and charred body. Blackfire stood there, blew at her nails, and looked satisfied.

Jason Todd was awed. And bored. He decided he would make his way out of the Loser Box as soon as it was his turn in the exosuit again. But by then, the Feast Master tournament would probably have been over…


	8. Round 7: Cyborg vs Johnny Rancid

**Round Seven**

"**What is it with Cy and these impromptu surprise luck draws? It seems as if he is always winning on the stroke of luck, and really, on the heads side of the coin.**"

"_Don't_ call me 'Cy'. Only my _friends_ can call me 'Cy'. And you're _not_ my friend."

"**Aww… It seems as if our little Cy is pissed. Who cares, when the person he'll be competing against is…**

"**Johnny Rancid?**" the announcer looked at his little slip of paper. Then he looked up again, as if he was never surprised. "**Johnny Rancid!**"

"I'll kick your ass, man!" yelled Johnny Rancid, though he was acting a little _too _much like another character from another fandom.

"Be glad the secret ingredient isn't BB's private parts again."

"**Ya never know,**" winked the announcer. "**Our guest judges for this round are Monsieur Mallah, Gorilla Grodd, and…**"

Grodd and Mallah looked through the Monkey Fone Book. Yes, Fone book, not Phone book. Even though they were especially smart… er… creatures from the monkey family.

"**Well, it looks like we have a monkey theme!**"

"We're not monkeys," growled Grodd, "I'm a _gorilla_and he's an _ape_. We don't have _tails_."

"**Okay, it looks like we have a primate theme! I wonder who our third judge will be…**"

Dee came up and whispered in the announcer's ears.

"**Um, it looks like our third monkey-**"

"_Primate_!" went Grodd and Mallah.

"**Our third judge quit. So, I will be fairly judging in his stead!**" He added in a whisper, "_**But I think Johnny Rancid totally deserves to win this round**_**.**"

"Yeah, way to be unbiased," whispered Cyborg to whoever was listening.

"Hey, why wasn't I invited?" whined Monkey Fist from _Kim Possible_.

"**All right!**" said the announcer, taking a seat at the judges' table. "**The secret ingredient is… uh, Cyborg? Johnny Boy? Could you lift the pedestal?**"

The pedestal was lifted. "And _don't_ call me 'Johnny Boy'," growled Johnny Rancid. "Oh, look. A horn. Two horns. I can't take over Jump with this, can I?"

"**Actually, you can. These are **_**very**_**rare unicorn horns, provided to you by our very own Master DS! He, of course, found the unicorn, ate the body of the first one, and the others got so scared they **_**offered **_**him their horns! Now they're just horses. Poor them. Especially the first.**

"**But like we care! You're just here to cook with them. Will Cyborg's morals get in the way of making a meal this time? Let's hope not!**

"_**And let's hope Johnny Rancid doesn't have morals toward unicorns either,**_" he added in a whisper.

"BEGIN-uh!"

Cyborg and Johnny Rancid had no idea what to make.

Ten minutes passed with no inspiration coming to either of them. Seriously, what could one make when the secret ingredient was impossible to split?

"Aha! I know what to make!" a metaphorical light bulb popped over Cyborg's head. Except this time, it was real. It fell down and hit Cyborg on the head.

"Ow!" That was Johnny Rancid speaking for some weird reason.

Cyborg made a cake. With icing. Lots and lots of icing. And cake mix. In fact, it almost looked like a wedding cake, with the pink frills and all. The only thing missing was the plastic bride and groom on top. He was planning to cut the horn in half and put the pointy half of the unicorn horn on the cake. But how to cut it?

Another metaphorical light bulb popped over his head. This time, it split in two instead of falling on Cyborg's head. Black magic encased it, then disappeared.

(Because, as you can probably tell, Raven was either yelling at Beast Boy for calling her 'Rae', even though everyone did that in the show, or, Raven was making out with Beast Boy.)

Raven actually looked sheepish. Then she looked annoyed. "Add glass light bulb to the list," she grumbled, "Light bulbs, vases, and television sets."

Cyborg grabbed Johnny Rancid's half of the horn, saying, "I'm going to borrow this." He cut his horn in half. Because, apparently, the only thing that could cut unicorn horn was another unicorn horn.

"**Do you have **_**any**_** idea how **_**wrong**_** the last sentence sounded?**" groaned the announcer.

"'Because, apparently, the only thing that could cut unicorn horn was another unicorn horn'?" asked Beast Boy innocently. Even though he wasn't _that_naïve. And neither was Starfire, for that matter.

The announcer was slapped in the back of the head by Monsieur Mallah and Gorilla Grodd respectively.

Cutting the horn in half still left the pointy end too big. So he cut _that_ in half. It finally fit on the cake.

He used the other half of the first half of the pointy end that did not have the point (which was basically a fourth of the whole thing) for whatever on the second dish, which was horn- flavoured horn. How was that possible? Nobody knows.

He cut the last full half of his horn in half, and made horn soup. On a plate. He basically just boiled soup with the horn still inside it. When it was done, the horn remained intact, so Cyborg took it out. Then he poured it on a plate, for some reason.

He gave Johnny Rancid's horn back to him. He also gave Rancid the remains of _his_ horn. "Here, you can have the last part of my horn. The stub and the used one. I don't want it anymore."

Johnny Rancid and Cyborg were both wearing frilly pink aprons and chef's hats.

Johnny Rancid didn't use his own horn at all. He wanted to save his for area domination. So he used Cyborg's remains and cooked whatever.

When the sixty minutes was up, Cyborg said, "You _do_ realize that unicorn horn can only be used by a virgin with pure purposes for something 'pure', right?"

Johnny Rancid realized he was a douche. A word that nobody actually knows, but everybody assumes is an insult because of the context.

"**Ahem. On with the judging.**" The announcer and guest judge of the day tried Johnny Rancid's first dish of whatever. "**Whatever. I'll start by neutralizing it with a five.**"

Monsieur Mallah tried Johnny Rancid's second dish of whatever. "Five," he said in that nasally voice of his, "Because it's whatever."

Gorilla Grodd spoke up after trying the third and last dish of whatever, "Where I am from, whatever is a dish of good quality. However, eating unicorns are a disgrace. Seven." But was Grodd really ever that sentimental?

"**Well, we have a seventeen for Johnny Rancid!**" The announcer slipped back into 'announcer' mode.

Monsieur Mallah then ate Cyborg's horn soup. "Soupy." He made no comment.

"**Looks like we have a seven for Cyborg from Monsieur Mallah so far. He did make 'no comment'.**"

"How are you able to read the non- dialogue lines?" griped Dee, "Only I can do that!" Then she remembered, "Right. This is a parody. Even this round isn't very parody- ish…"

"**I'm going to give the cake a five. Just to be fair.**" The announcer glared at Cyborg, "**See? I am NOT biased!**"

"Sure you aren't," muttered Cy.

"Don't call me Cy."

"Geez, you can do that reading the lines thing, too?" groaned Dee.

"Horn flavoured horn," said Gorilla Grodd dryly. Then he tasted it. "Not bad, even for my standards of enhanced senses. I give eight."

"**Cyborg has a total of twenty!**" said the announcer with just a teensy- _weensy_ hint of remorse. "**I wonder who will win?**"

"As if we don't already know."

"WINNER: CYBORG! AGAIN-uhh."

"Woohoo!" yelled Cyborg, turning toward the announcer, "In your FACE! I won without tying and winning the coin toss! I _can_ cook!"

"No, it's just that Johnny Rancid can't," noted Raven dryly.

"**Johnny Rancid will join everyone else in the loser box, while Cyborg progresses on to Round Eight! See you all tomorrow on…**

"**Feast master!**"

Dun dun dun… The end for now?


	9. Round 8: Cyborg vs Red X

**Round Eight**

"**Welcome back, ladies, gentlemen, and losers! Today is Sunday, February 21, 2009, and it is the **_**eighth**_** round of Feast Master! I would say that it's hard to believe that a week of Feast Master has already gone by, from the fourteenth of February, but I've only been here for three days.**

"**Well, we only have one week left of cooking in the Kitchentourium. One week until we see who gets to be the new Feast Master, who gets to cook a year- lasting meal for my Master DS, Domatsu Shomaru!**

"**Let's hope I don't get fired before then. I would hate to be eaten by Master DS.**"

The audience booed.

"**Well, let's recap what happened during the past week, for the people who were not here. We all know that the Feast Master Tournament is a cooking show, where the heroes and their rivals of this city, Jump, compete against each other for the title of Feast Master! There are three guest judges each round, and Master DS gets to judge the last round! The competitors for the day have to cook three meals with a certain secret ingredient.**

"**During Round One, Starfire and Blackfire were the first competitors. Did I mention they were sisters? Well, the old announcer did, so many times. The judges were named Mary/Marie/Mari, as a theme, and Blackfire and Starfire had to cook little girls with the name of Mary/Mari! Starfire lost her morals, Blackfire didn't get morals, and they both cooked the poor girls. Blackfire won.**

"**Blackfire winning led her to Round Two. There, she competed against Robin, who lost against the Tamaranian. Robin was more than happy to sit in the Loser Box and make out with Starfire, though.**

"**(I have to agree with the last Master of Ceremonies. The name 'Loser Box' is horrible.)**

Robin made some comment from the Loser Box about Starfire not being his girlfriend.

"**Blackfire's opponent for Round Three was Red X, who happened to be Xavier Redd for the day. Red X won the third round with his creative use of fairy wings, but he showed up out of costume the next day for Round Four, as just Xavier Redd, because someone else was occupying the suit. Because he was not in the suit, he was disqualified, and Gizmo, his competition for the fourth round, won by default.**

"**Gizmo faced off against his archrival, Cyborg, for Round Five. A lot of banter was exchanged, good food was made by both using their 'mutant' blueberries, but they tied in the end. Cyborg won that round due to a coin toss. Cyborg got lucky in Round Six against Adonis, cooking Beast Boy's private parts, and he won due to another tie and toss.**

"**(I think Cyborg may have rigged the coin to always land on heads. Because he always gets picked for heads.)**

"**Round Seven was yesterday! This time, Cyborg won fair and square (or did he?)! But he was against Johnny Rancid, who is **_**not**_** exactly known for his cooking skills… The judges yesterday were supposed to be monkey-**

"PRIMATE!"

"**-themed, but the third monkey, I mean primate, quit, so I had to fill in for him! Humans are still primates, you know.**"

"How do we know that you're human? You could be a hologram, you could be a humanoid alien." That was the ever- skeptical Robin.

That comment was ignored.

"**Let's see what today has in store for us!**"

Cyborg turned out to be facing Red X. Even though he had already went.

"**Well, **_**of course**_** there's going to be repeats. There's only ten people competing, and if there were no repeats, then there would only be, like six or seven rounds!**

"**Red X got lucky because he had high character ratings on our website. Speaking of which, you can visit us on (insert URL here)! Or call 555-DCAE (555-3223) or 555-TTFM (555-8836) to vote!**"

Red X made a face under his mask. Nobody could see it, but everyone knew it was there.

"Shut up and introduce the judges, moron. Quit self- advertising," said Cyborg, even though he was never that crude. Which wasn't very crude at all.

"I-uh LIKE IT-uhh!" yelled Domatsu Shomaru. "BUT JUST CONTINUE-uhh!"

"**Okay, okay.**" The Master of Ceremonies threw up his hands. "**The judges for this round are Brian Markov of Markovia!**"

"Do I know you guys?" asked Brian Markov. Prince of Markovia. Apparently.

"**Barney! From **_**Barney**_**!**"

"Hee! Hello kids, I have my own TV show and it's named after me! Barney the Purple Dinosaur! Isn't that great?"

Some mock fans started to sing the _Barney_ theme song.

_I love you,_

_You love me,_

_We're a happy family!_

Or was it this:

_Barney is a dinosaur of your imagination…_

But that probably was a parody of Yankee Doodle. That actually went, "_Barney is a dinosaur with no imagination…_"

"**Judge number three is… Tiger Woods! The golfer1!1**"

"Tiger Woods brought to you by Larry! And Barney is brought to you by your imagination!" Larry popped in and out cheerfully.

"I can't believe I'm doing this for FREE!" grumbled Tiger Woods, whose real name was either Eldrick or Rodrey. Or both. "Seriously, I get paid a billion bucks a nanosecond to wear a pair Nikes, own a mansion, have the world's best chefs at my service, and here I am judging a cooking contest with amateur contestants."

"Listen, BUB," said Wolverine from the X-Men being teleported in by Nightcrawler, "These are people who want to become a renounced chef. So suck it up!"

"Hey, you're not the one who has to judge this thing."

Wolverine and Nightcrawler teleported out.

The MC lifted up the pedestal. "**The secret ingredient is… monkeys! Wow, this would have fit in nicely with yesterday's theme.**"

Domatsu Shomaru growled, "YOU GOT THE INGREDIENTS MIXED UP!" he shouted to a nearby worker. And then Domatsu Shomaru ate that worker.

"BEGIN-uhh!" And so rang the gong.

Red X threw an X on the first monkey. The X sizzled, and the monkey fried there on the spot. Red X threw that on the platter.

Cyborg had a similar idea. He fired his sonic cannon at the nearest monkey. But he fried all of his. So he decided to leave the first one be and… modify the others.

"W00T."

Red X chopped a (dead) monkey in half. It cried. Even though it was dead. Then, a live mudkips popped out of the monkey's belly.

"I liekz Mudkipz!" yelled the Pokèmon fangirl that appeared when Mudkips were the secret ingredient.

When the sixty minutes was up, Cyborg had his first fried monkey. He had also put sprinkles on his second monkey, and barbecued the already- fried third.

Red X had a sizzled monkey, roasted monkey brain/bladder (nobody could tell which), and monkey tail sausages. That had set two days before they were supposed to because he had a time- freezer that Robin had handily put in in his belt.

"TIME- uh IS ah-P!"

"Oh! Ho ho!" laughed Barney, trying Cyborg's fry- barbecued monkey.

"Quit with the stupid imitation of Santa, Barney."

"All right, my friends! I would give this a TWENTY for effort! But I can't, because it's againgst the rules! And I'm Barney the Purple dinosaur who doesn't break rules! So my friend Cyborg here gets ten!

"As for my other friend who must reform, I can only give you a seven! That should teach you to be a thief!"

"But you didn't even taste my food yet," wailed X.

"No need!" And Barney threw Red X's roasted brain/bladder in a nearby trash can. Even though the description of the Kitchentourium in Round One didn't mention anything about a trash can.

"_Barney's not as nice as you think_," whispered Dee, appearing for her not-so-cameo! appearance.

Tiger Woods decided to be a Simon Cowell wannabe and give them both zeroes for the sprinkled monkey and sizzled monkey. (Actually, Simon Cowell paid him to do that, since Simon Cowell didn't get his chance to be mean when it was his turn as a guest judge.)

"What?" yelled an audience member who felt like it, "You eat babies for extra fibre? I agree!"

"**Okay…**" the MC dragged out the 'O', showing annoyance, "**Cyborg currently has a TEN and Red X has a SEVEN.**"

Brian gave Cyborg a five, and Red X a nine. Because Red X was apparently more skilled than Cyborg. (Of course, Cyborg was an amazing cook in the show.) He said nothing because-

"Dee knoweth not the character of Brian Markov, dear brother of the fair Tara Markov," stated Dee in her know-it-all voice, speaking in third person again. Except Shakespearean.

Yeah. That's it.

"WINNER: RED X!"

"**Well, so ends another exciting (but boring) round of Feast Master! Cyborg will finally join the other losers in the Loser Box, and Red X will commence to the next round tomorrow. Is it just me, or does Red X never lose on his first try?**

"**Whatever. See you all tomorrow, righ here in the Kitchentourium!**"


	10. Round 9: Red X vs Robin

**Round Nine**

The Titans theme song played.

_When there's trouble you know who to call,_

_Teen Titans!_

_From their Tower they can see it all,_

_Teen Titans!_

The (full) song not very worthy of the show blared on for two minutes.

"**All right! Welcome to Round Nine of Feast Master. Yesterday, Cyborg and Red X competed with monkeys as the secret ingredient. In the end, Red X was able to overcome Cyborg's winning streak! Today, Red X is the first competitor.**

"**His opponent for today will be, by not-so-popular demand, Robin! Coming back from the Loser Box for his second chance!**"

"Aww, is little Robbie sad that he has to leave the Loser Box and the comfort of his girlfriend?" teased X. Robin made no comment. Red X continued dryly, "Well, at least this can prove that I'm better than the Kid in this area, too."

"**For our judges, we have a series of… oh! It looks like the theme this round is a series of female Canadian singers! We have Celine Dion, Shania Twain, and Nellie Furtado!**"

"You just _had_ to choose Canada's worst pop singers, didn't you. Okay, granted, these are Canada's _only_ famous pop singers…" Red X mused thoughtfully. Well, as thoughtfully as Red X could muse.

"I resent that," but the pop singer's grin took away the sting.

"What are they even doing here?" asked Cyborg. "We're in California!"

"Do we _look_ like we still live in that ice land with hockey and beavers?" another one of the pop singers rolled her eyes. Way to insult her homeland.

"Uh, _duh,_" said Beyonce, Shakira, and Rhianna, "Plus, we're _totally_ better singers than you! You're the ones with nothing to do but judge a stupid cooking contest!"

"Point taken," agreed Celine Dion.

Larry came in and teleported Beyonce, Shakira, and Rhianna out.

"**Cool banter. On with the tournament.**

"**Our secret ingredient is-**"

"-XENOTHIUM BOMBS-uhh!!"

The MC looked confused, "**Wait, I thought the secret ingredient for this round was going to be regurgitated cake?**"

"THAT-ah WAS-uh BEFORE! NOW IT-ah IS THIS!"

"**Whatever you say, Master DS. The catch is, you have to find your own!**"

Domatsu Shomaru approved. "BEGIN-uhh!"

"I have a great idea!" squealed Robin uncharacteristacally, "Let's work together!"

"I think Barney got to your brain a little too much last round," muttered Red X.

"He did, oh, yes he did!" Robin continued to squeal and blabber nonsense, before starting to sing the Barney song. (See Round Eight for lyrics.)

Red X slapped Robin. "I can't believe I'm the sensible one here. Oh well. Since you won't snap out of it, I'm going to do what I, as a raving kleptomaniac, should have done when I came in the room."

Red X leaned his masked face close to Robin's delirious one before reaching down and grabbing Robin's utility belt. He dumped the contents out. Most of them were birdirangs, freeze pellets, extra grapple lines and hooks, extra grapple holders, and bo-staffs. Also tumbled out were a comb and a tube of hair gel, an empty smoke bomb case filled with coffee, and a pack of half- used, half- unused condoms.

"What's with the condoms?" wondered Red X.

Red X finally found what he was looking for- Robin's smoke bombs. He emptied the contents of the bomb into the audience. They coughed. *koff koff*

Red X took out one of the xenothium liquid battery packs out of his own suit, and emptied the xenothium into the smoke bomb. Plus, he started this paragraph even though he totally didn't need to.

"Hey, wait. I have my own smoke bombs."

Robin uncharacteristacally slapped Red X across the, er, mask. But he _had_ snapped out of his dream- like state. "I get half that bomb," insisted Robin.

"Whatever, Kid."

"Don't call me that!"

"Puis je…" someone droned on in French all the way out of the Western Hemisphere in France.

Robin did get half the bomb. He couldn't think of anything to do with it, so he brought out some more smoke bombs, and the coffee-in-bombshell. For some reason, he lost his morals against doing illegal things. Especially with illegal drugs. He decided to mix the coffee with the xenothium.

He shredded the case of one of his other smoke bombs. Then he put the shreds on a plate.

Meanwhile, Red X was about to copy Blackfire's method in Round Two. Exactly one week ago, Blackfire realized that Xenothium was a drug. (Even though it wasn't; it was an unstable power source.) Then she put it in a syringe, for the judge to inject. Red X did the exact same thing. Except thrice, which is an old word for 'three times'.

Blackfire didn't have an attorney or a legal case (xenothium was illegal), so she couldn't sue for copyright.

For the last course, Robin threw the xenothium bomb into a container of ice cream. It exploded within the explosion- resistant container.

W00H00! "TIME-ah IS-ah UP-uh!1!"

Robin went first. He was actually sort of average. He grew up with the worst cook in the world, but the worst cook in the world also had the best cook in the world as his butler. There was a rumour that the butler had once been Feast Master when the tournament was travelling to England. Growing up with the two of them balanced out his cooking skills.

Of course, this wasn't your day- to- day meal. Robin received a six, a six, and a seven from Nellie Furtado, Shania Twain, and Celine Dion for the xenothium coffee, bombshell shreds, and exploded xenothium ice cream with bombshell shred sprinkles. Respectively.

"Speaking of which, Dee forgot to make a disclaimer, except for the introduction. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended," she ranted. "Okay, back to Feast Master."

Red X _should have___gotten all tens. But Red X had given them too much in their dosage. The judges were all on the ground, unconscious. Or maybe, they were conscious but hallucinating. (But xenothium wasn't a hallucinogen. It had more of the effects of steroids.)

They, literally, made no comment. Therefore, Red X got a twenty- one in total.

"WINNER- RED X." Then Domatsu Shomaru yawned without moving. Because he could do that. And everyonce could tell he yawned. Domatsu Shomaru was (probably) not bored, he was tired. Which is pretty much the same thing if you put it in context. Of course, it _could_ have been ten o'clock at night. Nobody could tell, since the Kitchentourium had no clock or windows. All the lights were artificial.

Domatsu Shomaru's attitude was apparently contagious. The Master of Ceremonies, the new announcer, yawned. No one saw it.

"**Okay. So ends another round of Feast Master. Red X technically cheated, because you can't serve the same 'dish' three times, but it happened before, and it slipped. Besides, Master DS didn't address it, why should I?**

"**Congrats, Red X, you get to move on to Round Ten tomorrow. Robin returns to the Loser Box where he came from.**

"**W00T.**"

Robin ran back into the Loser Box and started to make out (again) with Starfire, who was asleep. Raven wondered who was underneath the X suit today.

"**Come back tomorrow for a sorta- exciting round of-**"

"FEAST MASTER!111!!!!!!!!!" yelled Dee energetically, not letting everyone else ruin her hyperactiveness.

"BYE!!!!!!!!111!"


	11. Round 10: Red X vs Raven

**Round Ten**

"**Welcome to Feast Master!**" announced the MC. Again. "**Look, I'm tired today, so I'm going to make this quick. Last time, Red X won against Robin, using a combination of Red X's xenothium battery and Robin's smoke bombs. We had a series of Canadian singers who didn't talk because Dee didn't know their characters.**

"**Today, Red X will be competing agaisnt Raven. Who, for some reason, is appearing for the first time.**"

"Ten bucks says the secret ingredient today is broccoli," said Raven to Red X, even though Raven betting was setting a very bad example for all the kids out there.

"You're on."

"**Oh! We have another theme for the judges! Today, our judges are all from the canon Titan toonverse!**" exclaimed the announcer, regaining his perkiness, going against the claim that he was tired.

"**We have Malchior!**"

"I shall take over the world! Mwahahaha!" Malchior was wearing a dark- coloured cloak that was not specified _which_ dark colour it was. He was wearing it over his paper bandages. (Dee didn't exactly remember that episode where he appeared.) "Oh, and I'm totally going to apologize to Raven for betraying her heart and trust like that even though I totally don't want to."

"Whatever," said Raven extremely emotionlessly, even though she was supposedly touched by that.

"**We have Slade!**"

"I need a new apprentice," growled Slade. He was wearing his black and orange mask. Halloween was four months ago, and it wouldn't be Halloween for another eight, anyone?

"**And… Mad Mod.**" The Master of Ceremonies somehow looked down.

"Aye, my duckies," chuckled Mad Mod, for some reason. Because the term 'duckies' did not apply here, as the term showed affection. Unless Mad Mod cared about the people here. And, as a villain, he _obviously_ couldn't. Even though he was a stupidly dressed villian. Hello, an overcoat and sunglasses with _that_ haircut?

"They should have picked Mumbo," muttered Raven. She was wearing a pink frilly apron that all the contestants had worn. It was not described how it was worn over her cloak.

"**As for our secret ingredient…**"

A drumroll sounded. Everyone turned to look at Beast Boy. Again. Just like in Rounds Two and Three.

"What?" he said indignantly. Again. "It wasn't me!" Even though it was so obviously was. He was sitting behind a drumset holding drumsticks. Even though all he needed was a snare. Drum, that is. Snare drum. Mad Mod could have been doing it too.

"**It is broccoli!**" exclaimed the announcer enthusiastically.

Raven held up her hand. Red X, trying to be sneaky, slapped a fiver into it.

"I thought the bet was _ten_ dollars?" she asked coldly.

Red X sheepisly (how anyone could tell nobody knew) looked down. He slipped an extra five into her hand. "How'd you know? You're just a psion, you don't have x-ray vision or something."

"No, but I can see the aura of things. I saw a stalk of broccoli's aura from the plate on the pedestal," she replied, not bothering to say that broccoli didn't actually have a different aura from humans. Or that she couldn't see auras, only sense them.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos," she added for effect or emphasis.

"BEGIN-uhh!" yelled the purple- robed Domatsu Shomaru. Go to Round One for an almost complete description of the Asian man.

Dee was reusing clichés because she was running out.

Red X absolutely hated broccoli. Hated it as a child at the orphanage he had supposedly grown up at, hated it now. But at least this time he didn't have to eat it.

Raven was comtemplating the best ways to make dishes with broccoli. She very well couldn't make broccoli _cake_, broccoli mixed with sugar tasted awful. Couldn't the secret ingredient have been something simple like _strawberries_? Oh, right, it couldn't have. Because this was a cooking show parody, and they always had these bizzare foods on these parodies. Broccoli was considered simple incomparision here. She could probably make soup, but that would also taste horrible.

In reality, broccoli is a divine vegetable. But the cliché is that broccoli tastes horrible. And therefore only Mad Mod would like it.

"Hey, I like it too!" complained Beast Boy, "It's my favourite non-soy food after pizza!" Because all Titans loved pizza.

Then, Raven looked in the future (even though she didn't have that power) and found that she had gotten three perfects for a bowl of rice cooked with broccoli, broccoli with corn, and pizza with broccoli as topping.

So she made those. Not because she wanted to win (yeah, right), but because she didn't want to mess up the dimension fabrics and theory of relativity jazz by not doing it.

Red X got a bowl of dip and put the raw broccoli on a dish. Then he managed to make a broccoli surprise dessert.

"TWENTY MINUTES LEFT."

"**Twenty minutes left!**"

The clock ticked. Just like it did in all those other cooking shows.

Red X was out ideas. "What the frick am I going to do for a third dish?!?" He was distraught and had no ideas, for the first time in Red X history.

At the same time, Raven was out of ingredients, "OMG!!!1! What the frick am I going to do for ingredients?"

Red X, completely unaware of Raven's predicament, said, "And I have all these extra ingredients!"

Raven was also completely unaware, "I have to make a broccoli pizza!"

The two of them turned around and said simotaneously, "I know! Let's work together!"

Thirty- five minutes later, they had made a broccoli pizza together. They split it in half.

"Can I have some of that after the judging?" asked Beast Boy.

Raven used her magic to throw a piece of broccoli at the green shape- shifter.

"OW!"

"YOUR SIXTY MINUTES IS UP!" boomed Domatsu Shomaru, completely unaware that the correct verb form would be 'are' and not 'is'.

"Ahh, my laddies!" exclaimed Mad Mod in his British accent, "This pizza, as you all call it, is absolutely modern! No one does it like the good ole ways!" He gave them each sixes.

"Whatever," Raven and Red X ignored Mad Mod's droning drolly.

"How do you classify food as 'modern'?" wondered Beast Boy, even though he _obviously_ wasn't smart enough to know the word 'classify'.

How Slade ate without taking off his mask nobody knew. Maybe he had sensors that show nerve impulses into his nervous system's neural taste sense? (No, that wouldn't make sense.)

Either way, he gave Raven an eight for her broccoli and corn, and Red X got less than that for his dessert thing. Because dessert broccoli was horrible.

Malchior was biased. But he was biased both ways. He was biased toward Raven because she was his girl for some time; he was biased toward Red X because he was a fellow Titan bad guy who also had a thing for Raven. But that really wasn't bias…

Raven got a ten. Red X got less than that. Again.

"RAVEN WINS ROUND TEN!"

"**It looks like we have a winner! Raven Roth it is!**"

Raven grabbed hold of the MC by the non-existent collar, "How did you know my last name?"

"Uhh… I'm your dad?"

Raven threw him into a wall as a reply.

"**Come back tomorrow for anothzer exshiting round,**" the announcer gurgled and lisped from the floor on which he landed.

The lights in the Kitchentourium dimmed.


	12. Round 11: Raven vs Beast Boy

**Round Eleven**

The announcer mumbled something.

"_What_?" asked the audience, crooking their ears. (Note that next to nobody noticed the illogical grammar.)

The announcer continued mumbling.

"_WHAT_?" The audience craned their heads a little more, as if that would help.

Raven floated into the Kitchentourium, even though she was perfectly capable of walking. She was in lotus position for no apparent reason.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos," she mumbled. She cracked open her eyes. "I temporarily got rid of his voice so he could talk like he usually does in that annoying way of his." She didn't mention that she wanted to lose on purpose so she didn't have to listen to this ramblings anymore.

The audience cheered. Raven cracked a rare smile. That was not so rare.

"That means he can only communicate with body language," warned Cyborg from the Loser Box.

Everyone gasped.

"So, Master of Ceremonies, who's my opponent for the day?" she asked with a daring and coy smile, hands on her hips. She was, obviously, out of character of fanon.

The announcer, well, rather, the _silent_ announcer (ignore the oxymoron) pointed at a certain green shape-shifter.

"Seriously? Is that _all_ BB's known for these days? Being green and his power?" complained Cyborg.

"No, he's also known as the vegetarian who won't eat animals because he's been them and being the bad comic of the group. And his immaturity," said Raven.

"Hey, when'd you start making jokes? That's my forte," complained Beast Boy.

"You're also the only one with an alliteristic name. Showing your childishness." If that was a word. Childishness, that is.

"Whatever." Whether that came from Beast Boy or Cyborg was unknown.

"MC, who are the judges?"

The MC shrugged.

"Fine, I'll pick them myself." And with her powers, she drew up three _completely_ random people from the audience.

"Whoopee," she said sarcastically in that monotone of hers. Even though she never said 'Whoopee', was never sarcastic, and didn't speak monotonously. "We have Naruto from _Naruto_, Santa Claus, and Trigon. Wait, how do I know Naruto and Santa's names? And hi Daddy." She never called Trigon 'Daddy' either, but no one really cared.

"You do know that I'm… not your real father, Lord Hades is?" asked Trigon awkwardly, even though he was unlikely to care that much.

Raven gasped, "You are?" Raven never gasped.

Beast Boy gasped, "You are?" Beast Boy gasped, but not in situations like this.

Cyborg gasped, "You are? That makes you DCAU Wonder Woman's sister!"

"Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!" said Santa. Really, what kind of laugh is 'ho ho ho'?

"It's February."

"Shut up," said Wonder Woman, even though she was conceived to be more naïve than Starfire, creating wonder (DON'T excuse the pun) on how and where she learned the term, "I don't want to be that emo goth chick's sister," she continued snootily. Was Wonder Woman ever like that? And since when was Raven emo OR goth?

"And since when is Raven a chick?" snickered Beast Boy.

"Please, Raven is of the baby chicken variety?" asked Starfire. She never had these sentencing problems in the _comics_.

"Oh… maly… hee haw…" muttered some Raven fangirl, getting the mantra wrong.

"So we have me, the opponent, Naruto, Santa, and Trigon, the judges… I get the feeling we're missing something," mused Beast Boy, scratching at his chin for dramatic flair.

The announcer walked up to the pedestal and lifted the cover off the tray.

"I should have tied him up, too," muttered Raven.

"WHEEEEEEEEE!" whooped Beast Boy, "The secret ingredient is tofu!"

"I feel sorry for you, Raven," sympathized Cyborg, clapping the empath on the back.

"Is that all _I'm_ known for? My empathy and psionic powers? I'm not even a psion! Jinx is!" Raven had only used exclamation marks twice in the duration of the five seasons of Teen Titans. Now, she used them again.

"BEGIN-uhh!" said Domatsu Shomaru, appearing for the first time for the round. He rang the gong with out moving his physical body.

"Hmm… What kind of hint did that give us?"

--

At the judges table, the judges were talking (Despite the fact that script format is not allowed on FFnet, but this doesn't count because this is a parody and other non-parodies do it all the time and it's only for part of the chapter. So please don't report this!):

Naruto [OOC]: "Oh no! I do not wish to eat the fake meat!"

Santa [OOC but that's kinda impossible]: "Suck it up, dude! My elves eat tofu all the time and look how strong they are!"

Naruto [OOC]: "Yeah, but look how puny they are."

Santa [OOC]: "Point taken."

Trigon [OOC gushing]: "Oh, there's my little Raven-poo! Look at her, out there! She grew up so fast!"

Kitten [storming in]: "Hey, the '-Poo' thing is my line!" [confused] "Wait, I thought she wasn't actually your daughter."

Santa [OOC, leaning back and puffing on cigar]: "What happened to Mr. I-want-to-take-over-the-world Trigon?"

Trigon [ubër-OOC]: "Says the dude who lives in the North Pole with elves working for him! For all I know you could have some kind of evil lair up there! Oh, and that's Mr. I-want-to-take-over-the-world ROTH." [indignantly] "Besides, what are you gonna do?" [rolls up non-existent sleeves in a pitiful attempt to look threatening] "Put me on your naughty list?"

Raven [overhearing]: "Daddy, isn't 'Roth' Mother's name?"

Kitten [OOC]: "Too late. You're already on it." [simperingly at Santa] "But I'm still on your good list, right?" [Santa shakes head] "Darn." [Storms out]  
Naruto [grins]: "Call me!" [Despite the fact that she doesn't have his number. And vice versa.]

Trigon [OOC]: "Santa, the health food tofu might just do you some good! Takes off some pounds."

Santa [gasping]: "Did you just call me fat?" [rolls up sleeves]

Trigon [taking a swig at non-existent champagne]: "No, I implied you were overweight. Of course I called you fat!"

Santa [OOC]: "Oh, you're on!" [fails at acting menacing due to jolliness]

Trigon [OOC, forming fist]: "Bring it!" [slaps at Santa]

Naruto [ever the pacifist, though he was OOC and watched the catfight for a few moments]: "Hey Santa, isn't being fat and jolly part of your job description?"

Santa [self- contradicting]: "Yeah, but he doesn't have the right to call me fat!" [slaps at Trigon]

Naruto [OOC, sitting back and watching the fight]: "Well, I tried."

--

Raven and Beast Boy watched, jaws agape, at the scene.

"I can't believe Trigon's fighting Santa."

"I can't believe Santa's winning."

"I can't believe Naruto went to the washroom. Seriously, the only time a book/show/movie has mentioned using the washroom as cameo! and not plot was in the fifth Artemis Fowl book! You know, the one with Minerva and the red cover?"

"I can't believe you read that."

"TIME- uh IS UP-uh!"

"So, what did my little Raven-kins make?" cooed Trigon uncharacteristically.

"Uh, Daddy, aren't you more interested in, er, taking over the world or something?" Raven flinched.

"I always have time for _you_, Raven-poo!"

"Cool!" exclaimed Beast Boy, "Tofu jell-O jiggles!"

"No duh," said Cyborg.

"Anyway," enthused Beast Boy, "Raven and I worked together because we couldn't bear to compete against each other! We made tofu jell-O, tofu surprise, and from Starfire's Tamaranian recipe, tofu-nated pudding of friendship!"

They served the food. Santa got jell-O, Naruto got tofu surprise, and Trigon got the pudding of friendship.

"Aww, I wanted the tofu surprise," groaned Dee walkinb in the Kitchentourium. Literally, _walking_, in the Kitchentourium. Walking (in), not popping (in).

"Ho ho ho! This is disgusting! No wonder the elves hate it! Five!" exclaimed Santa in that jolly voice of his, having recovered from his previous fiasco. He added in a whisper, "But you gotta give me the recipe." He sounded drunk. Santa winked.

Beast Boy cheered, "Woohoo! THE Santa Claus asked for my recipe AND winked at me!"

"Careful," winked Cyborg, "'Cause if you're not, someone might think you're gay." He turned to the audience and added quickly, "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

A bunch of angry anti- homophobe hippies chased after Cyborg with pitchforks.

Naruto refused to eat it. And therefore gave 'no comment'. Giving the tofu surprise an automatic seven.

Trigon took a bite out of the tofu-nated pudding of friendship. He made a face, but managed to choke out, "I, being a biased father, give my Raven-poo a nine because it tastes horrible."

"Actually," Raven smirked, "I was going to give all the credit to Beast Boy since I have no intention to move on to Round Twelve." Even though Raven wasn't the cocky type. She floated, even though she had the ability to walk, into the Loser Box.

"ALL RIGHT… WINNER- BEAST BOY!" boomed Domatsu Shomaru, hiding his confusion.

Beast Boy didn't jump around as the lights in the Kitchentourium faded to black.


	13. Round 12: Beast Boy vs Gizmo

**Round Twelve**

"**I'm back!**" announced the announcer in a sing-songy voice. "**Did I mention how **_**annoying **_**it is to have your vocal chords blocked for two hours?**"

"You're welcome," grinned Raven.

The MC glared at the Azarathian. "**Whatever. I'm surprised how much you guys managed without me. After all, I **_**am**_** vital to the running of Feast Master.**"

"Careful," warned Raven, "You don't want to be fired by Domatsu Shomaru because you've become cocky like the last Master of Ceremonies."

The announcer gasped and looked at Domatsu Shomaru, "**You wouldn't **_**fire**_** me, would you, Master DS?**"

Domatsu Shomaru made no move. The MC looked absolutely petrified now. Well, almost.

"**Well**"-gulp-"**Yesterday, Raven and Beast Boy were **_**supposed**_** to be competitors. But instead, they worked together. An interesting twist, but what kind of drama does **_**that**_** add?**" He glared.

"Right, and Raven forfeited her points to me. Here I am, people!" Beast Boy leered and waggled his years.

"**What he said. Today, Beast Boy,**" he continued, turning to Beast Boy, "**You'll be competing against Gizmo, who is returning for a comeback!**"

Wow, that was redundant.

"One midget against another. This ought to be exciting," Raven rolled her eyes under her cloak's hood.

"Hey, I'm taller than he is!" complained Beast Boy.

"I'm older," Gizmo shot back.

"You are?" wondered Beast Boy, "Well, that proves your midgetiness even more! Wait, is midgetiness even a word?"

Raven shook her head.

"Yippee!" Beast Boy jumped up and down, even though he never did either of these things. That is, say 'yippee' and jump up and down. Well he, does, just not in those situations. "I invented a new word!"

"Darn," Gizmo sat back and crossed his arms, causing everyone else to burst out laughing. "What are you laughing at?" he demanded crossly.

(Nobody uses the word 'crossly' anymore.)

"**Today's guest judges are Loki, the Trickster God from Norse Mythology-**"

"-Brought to you by Larry."

"Hey, I might be the Trickster, but I've done some good things with my tricks!"

"Sure you have," snorted Cyborg, "But why are you even _in_ the DC universe? I thought Marvel endorsed Norse Mythology, and DC endorsed Greek Mythology."

"Yeah, well, Hades was busy. So was Sisyphus."

"You could at least have brought Anansi in!"

"Please, Friend Cyborg, give this Trickster Loki a chance!" pleaded Starfire, though she never said 'friend' before the names of any of her friends.

Was it mentioned that Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire were all yelling out from the Loser Box?

Dotdotdot…

"**-the Queen of England, I have no idea which one, she was just the Queen at some point in history-**"

"Brought to you by Booster Gold and Rā's Al Ghūl."

"Hellooooooo, _guvnuh_," she said in a British Accent, "Would you cahre fuh a cuhp of _taeh_?"

(Hello, gov'ner, would you care for a cup of tea?)

Two guys from the audience imitated her.

"Eye dou nowt fihnd thaht fuhnnaey."

(I do not find that funny.)

Though one would expect someone of her calibre to use the word 'humourous' or 'amusing'.

"**-Last but not least, we have Bender from **_**Futurama**_**!**"

"Bite/Byte my shiny metal a$$!" said Bender from _Futurama_.

"Arse," corrected the Queen of England primly.

Gizmo bit Bender from _Futurama_'s not-so-shiny not-so-metal a$$.

"_Ow!_" yelped both Gizmo and Bender.

"**I have an idea!**" said the Master of Ceremonies, "**Let's, from now on, refer to each other by our initials!**" The announcer showed his initial/acronym fetish again.

"What's a fetish?" Beast Boy asked, even though he wasn't _that_ ignorant.

"Does Gizmo even _have_ a last name?" asked Cyborg.

"Of course I do, dumba$$," Gizmo groaned, "But there's no freakin' way in hell I'm telling you!"

"Of course," responded Cyborg dryly. Even though Cyborg usually didn't do dry.

"**Okay, okay! We'll scrap it. Today's secret ingredient is Gordanian feet. Remember, due to Tamaran's excessive war cries, the Gordanians are extinct.**"

Starfire let out a triumphant cheer, "Yes! My home planet finally destroyed those glorbags!"

"Juhst ahrs we, the British, will daefeat the French someday."

(Just as we, the British, will defeat the French someday.)

Okay, so this Queen of England was Queen sometime during the French Revolution. Little did everyone else know that 'glorbag' was a compliment. (Except it wasn't.)

"BEGIN-uhh!" It seemed as if these days, all Domatsu Shomaru said was 'Begin', 'Time's up', and who the winner was.

Not that anyone's complaining.

--

In the Loser Box:

Red X (David Sanchez): "Wow, it's getting crowded in here."

Robin (Dick Grayson) [curiously OOC]: "I always wondered, since we're stuck in here until they let us out, how do you and the other Red X's switch suits?"

Red X [OOC]: "You just want to know so you and Tim Drake and Stephanie Brown and Jason Todd can switch suits anytime."

Robin [OOC, missing the point, insulted]: "I don't share clothes with a girl!"

Cyborg [sarcastic]: "Sure you don't. You just swap spit." [gestures to Robin OOCly making out with Starfire]

Robin [OOC, breaking off kiss with Starfire]: "Whatever. I'll just ask Jay." [Resumes making out with Starfire]

Johnny Rancid [OOC, confused]: "Wait, wasn't Jason in that uniform in Round, Three, I think?"

Cyborg [whispering to Johnny Rancid, Adonis and Red X]: "Ignore him. He's in LaLa Land."

Adonis: [silence]

- (The single dash is intentional.)

Meanwhile…

Blackfire [OOC]: "Oh! Green looks so good on you!"

Raven [OOC, holding up a green sweater over her midriff that she got from who-knows-where]: "It does, doesn't it?"

Blackfire [IC, just for a moment, bursting out laughing]: "No! Do you have no fashion sense?! Green looks _horrible _on you!"

Starfire [OOC, breaking out of passionate kiss with Robin]: "Actually, I quite disagree with you, sister not-so-dear! The colour of the greeness looks amazing on Friend Raven! Beast Boy re-enacted your mind, Nevermore, to me, and your Jealously aspect looks absolutely delightful!" [Resumes making out with Robin]

Blackfire [OOC again]: "See, Raven, this is what you get when you hang out with-" [sneers IC] "-_sister dear_-" [OOC] "-here. A ton of bogus fashion ideas."

Raven [OOC, whispering]: Ignore her. She's too busy in LaLa Land.

--

Really? How does one make a dish with _Gordanian Feet_? Gizmo was not creative, but he used his multi-assortment of gadgets from wherever to shred the feet. Then, being a nice guy, he decided to not split them with Beast Boy. Who made nothing.

"Really," wondered Dee, "How _does_ one make three dishes from the feet of some alien species that only Starfire's heard of?"

But, Gizmo had succeeded in making three dishes: Dish 1, Dish 2, and Dish 3. Or, Dish A, Dish B, Dish C. Or even Dish I, Dish II, Dish III.

"Man, winning the Iron Chef on one of my episodes has raised my standards by a lot," proclaimed Bender from _Futurama_. "So I'm only giving you a six. I was gonna give you a five, but we're both lawbreakers here, so, you get an extra point.

"Well, and because I'm an a$$."

"_Arse_," insisted the Queen of England, who gave Dish 2 a twenty-three.

"**Uh, ma'am? Queenie? You can only give up to ten.**"

"Oh, cahn Eye? Eye'm the Quaeen of England!"

(Oh, can I? I'm the Queen of England!)

But she changed her rating to a seven.

Loki gave Gizmo a seven, but held up a sheet of paper saying 'five'. Everyone was confused.

"Who cares?" screamed one person from the audience, "BB didn't actually _make_ any thing, so Gizmo wins anyway by default."

"TRUE-uh!" boomed Domatsu Shomaru, for once saying something new, "WINNER IS GIZ-MO!"

"**The guy in the audience made a good point, and Domatsu Shomaru has now declared Gizmo the winner. BB gets to go back in the Loser Box!**" Beast Boy's ears drooped.

"Dee says: 'There's only so much Dee could write for one round. How does one expect her to fill up ten pages, or 2K, of material?" said Dee, who was starting to think the third-person thing rather awkward at times.

"Hawhve a delihghtfull dahe!" waved the Queen of England.

(Have a delightful day.)


	14. Round 13: Gizmo vs Starfire

**Round Thirteen**

"**Ah, the wonders of life.**"

Everyone looked at the announcer questioningly.

"**Never mind.**"

Raven tried to tape the announcer's mouth shut again. She got an electroshock.

"**Ha! You can't shut me up anymore because I have an anti-telekinesis thing blocking you from using your powers on me!**"

Raven flew up with a ball of duct tape and taped the MC's mouth shut manually.

"**Mmph!**"

"Friend Raven!" admonished Starfire, putting 'friend' before everyone's names (even though she actually didn't). She flew up and ripped the piece of tape off the Master of Ceremonies' mouth.

"**Ow! Not so hard, next time!**" exclaimed the Master of Ceremonies, insinuating there was going to be a 'next time'.

"Perhaps you should tape the Domatsu Shomaru's lips closed instead?" asked Starfire hopefully to the not-goth girl.

"Nah," Raven shook her head, "He would just eat the tape."

"ON WITH THE SHOW-uhh!"

"**Yes, Master DS. Okay, last time, Beast Boy versed Gizmo. Gizmo won. Speaking of which, where **_**is**_** our first competitor today?**" The announcer looked around the Kitchentourium.

"He died," said Dee, coming in for her not-so-cameo! appearance.

Actually, Gizmo poked his head through one of the doors of the Kitchentourium. But instead of his usually bald head, he had sprouted brown hair that was still sprouting. When it reached his shoulders, it stopped growing.

"I, um, invented a hair growth serum, but my hair keeps growing to shoulder length every time I cut it off!" he was nervous, then exasperated. He was never the former.

"And it had some… unusual side effects." He stepped out, and he had sprouted some… unusual body parts that weren't there before. And, even though nobody could see it, he had _lost_ some body parts.

Cyborg immediately started laughing, was slapped on the back of the head by Raven and Starfire respectively.

"Yeah. The side effect of the serum was a sex change."

Cyborg started laughing again, and this time was joined by Raven and Starfire.

"**Gizmo will be joined-**"

"-In marriage-" whispered Cyborg. Beast Boy snickered.

"**-By Starfire!**" Starfire whooped and flew out of the Loser Box, which was, again, horribly named.

"Maybe I shouldn't have made this so repetive," groaned Dee, "I'm getting bored."

"Ya think?" said everyone else.

And because Dee didn't feel like writing any further (and boring her readers because her last chapter received a total of four hits), she decided to wrap up the next two chapters in this teeny little summary.

"**Nope. I'm going to do it.**

"**Starfire won against female Gizmo, cooking Buffalo Fat with Oatmeal! Then, Starfire versed Johnny Rancid who won. Now, when it is Round Fifteen, Johnny Rancid will go against the last Feast Master.**"

"I will destroy you all!" yelled the last Feast Master.

"**Sure,**" said the announcer, "**Oh, and thanks for cutting this short. I can totally make my date with that hot chick now! Bye!**"

The announcer ran out of the room.

"The next Round will be two days from now…"


	15. Round 15 Finale: Johnny Rancid

**Round Fifteen- Finale**

"**Alright! It's the last round and day of the Feast Master Tournament for 2010. Not counting the fact that we skipped over rounds thirteen and fourteen, I think we've done pretty well! Or, at least, for the time while I was here.**

"**Today, Johnny Rancid gets to compete against the last Feast Master, who happens to not have a name!**"

"Whatever," said the last Feast Master drolly. The last Feast Master had no appearance. To some, he looked like an iron robot. To others, he looked like a mud golem. To Johnny Rancid, he looked like Dora the Explorer. Johnny Rancid was scared because Dora was apparently known throughout the TV world as an amazing animated cook.

Except Johnny Rancid knew the last Feast Master wasn't Dora because Dora never said 'Whatever'.

"Whatever," mimicked Johnny Rancid.

"**Today, our Master DS, Domatsu Shomaru, will be judging the contest. Sorry, wannabe guest judges.**"

"Hey!" yelled the mother of Mas y Menos.

"Did I ever tell you that you're starting to act _just like_ the old announcer?" smirked Raven. The announcer rolled the announcer's eyes.

"**Wait a minute,**" said the announcer, "**Am I male or female? Because I don't think it was ever specified…**"

"ON-a WITH TEH SHOW-uhh!" yelled Domatsu Shomaru, the 'teh' intentional.

"Yeah, nobody cares about your problems," the last Feast Master rolled his eyes.

"**Alright. The secret ingredient for today is human babies!**"

"But wait!" someone from the audience said, "Wasn't the secret ingredient for the first round human babies?"

"**Dunno. I wasn't here. But ten bucks says that these human babies were leftovers from Round One.**"

The audience member, who didn't gamble, shook her head.

"BEGIN-uhh!"

"Wait, man!" yelled Mad Stan from Batman Beyond, "Killing human babies isn't cool. Seriously, instead of doing this stupid show, you should all be killing the evolution of technology!"

"Oh, put a sock in it, corko," Robin said uncharacteristically.

"But Friend Robin," insisted Starfire, "The Stan of Mad is correct. Human babies should not be incapacitated for the ingestion pleasure of others!"

"But you and your sister _did_ kill off two little girls," Beast Boy folded his arms.

"But that is different. They were little girls named Mary, these are the young/offspring of humans!"

"Cannibalism is cannibalism," shrugged Johnny Rancid, who refused to kill off the babies with a chainsaw for some weird reason.

Then Dr. Chang (who really rarely appeared in fan fiction) came in and blasted the last Feast Master to smithereens. In other words, the last Feast Master died.

Dr. Chang, out of character, said, "Okay, I killed the last Feast Master. Johnny Rancid wins by default."

"WINNER- JOHNNY RANCID!"

"**It looks like Johnny Rancid wins!**" exclaimed the Master of Ceremonies, "**But wait! We're not done yet. Apparently, Johnny Rancid still has to cook a dish that lasts a whole year for Master DS!**"

"Oh, right. That." Johnny Rancid pulled out a packet of gum from his jacket pocket, "Here. Gum lasts a _really_ long time."

"YOU ARE GIVING ME _TREE SAP RESIN!?! YOU *****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************_"

Note that the asterisks represent some Asian swear phrase.

"So, are you gonna eat up the universe now?" asked Johnny Rancid casually, "'Cause if you are, can I rule over what's left?"

Then Zatara appeared and said, "No, he's not. Reverof mug ruovalf!"

And thus, the gum was flavoured forever. Of course, it was too late. Domatsu Shomaru had already eaten the entire universe. Johnny Rancid included.

"DARN. AND HERE I WAS HOPING TO GET A GOOD MEAL," he said, taking off his fat suit, revealing his true identity. Oh, and he stopped speaking in that weird accent of his. "HEY, AT LEAST I HAVE EVERLASTING GUM."

(the end)

"_Watch out for the nonexistent sequel!_" announced the old announcer from inside Domatsu Shomaru's stomach with the rest of the universe, which was still living happily. Just inside a guy's stomach.

"What just happened?" asked Robin.

(the end- for real)


End file.
